About this blog:
I blog on random Pop Culture subjects. I also post Top 13 Lists. I could do a cliched Top 10 like everyone else, but then I'd be just like everyone else.


Monday, May 24, 2010

“What’s So Great About Sliced Bread?”

We've all heard the clichéd saying "The greatest thing since sliced bread" at least a million times about various subjects, some serious, some facetious, unless of course you "live under a rock", thus hypocritically adding yet another clichéd saying into the mix...

I am here to argue the validity of this saying. Why do we use "sliced bread" as the example of the end all be all miracle product, by which all other potentially great products are judged?

And even better, why do we further denigrate the products we are referencing, by saying they are "the greatest thing SINCE sliced bread", thus labeling them as inferior to said sliced bread, as if they can't quite measure up to the high bar set by the "inventor" of sliced bread (whatever idiot had a knife in his hands, some serious time to kill, and nothing better to do than to mar a baked good)?

I'm sure you've each carelessly said this ageless cliché many times, without even thinking about it, as it is an inane part of our language and culture (which says very little for both).

I ask you now to fully examine the context of this saying, and really delve into its bold, yet relatively innocuous meaning. Do you really mean what you're saying, when you label some random item as "the greatest thing since sliced bread"? I present the argumentative question for you to ponder: What's so great about sliced bread?

First of all, almost everyone loves "restaurant bread". We go to a fine dining establishment, and we enjoy the loaf of "homemade" bread they bring to our table, to munch on with or before our fancy but over-priced meal. We sit there and carve out thick slices for each of us, and then fight over who gets the inevitable extra slice. We crave this fine loaf of bread. Our mouths water for it as we wait in line to be
seated, and as we sit at our table waiting for it to be served. I beg to offer the notion that at times we even anticipate the arrival of said bread more so than the impending entree. My point being, this delicious "homemade" loaf of bread we covet, desire, yen, long for, drool over, fight over is NOT pre-sliced. It comes with an obscenely large knife, and we cut it ourselves before consuming it. The bread would seem less fancy, less fresh, and dare I say less appetizing if it was brought to us in a sliced condition.

Secondly, in this fast-food, microwave, dual-income household society, anyone fortunate enough to know someone who still bakes their own fresh homemade bread will certainly agree that the result of the baker's efforts is far superior to any pre-sliced bread you can buy, even in the finest of grocery emporiums. Who would prefer a loaf of plastic encased, twist tie bound, pre-sliced, name brand bread over fresh homemade bread? I venture to guess no one. The only drawback of the homemade bread is, you guessed it, we have to slice it ourselves. I think we'll certainly sacrifice the few seconds it takes to grab a knife and slice the bread, in exchange for the delicious taste we can't enjoy with pre-sliced bread.

Third, there is the factor of freshness. We go out and spend our hard-earned money on overpriced sliced bread at an inconvenient, overcrowded supermarket, not to mention wasting gas to drive there. We take it home, and what happens? Within a few days, this supposed miracle product gets stale, hard, and eventually moldy! And this is supposed to be the greatest invention ever?
I counter with the fact that unsliced bread will last longer. When you slice open a loaf of bread, you eliminate the protection of the outer crust casing, therefore exposing the inner bread to the air and elements, not to mention lurking molds and pesky insects. Sure, the outside of unsliced bread will eventually become hard as a
rock, but the insides may be salvageable, and soft enough to eat without necessitating dental work. At very least, you have a valuable weapon that could be used in defense of your life. Try throwing sliced bread at someone's head, and you will have to hope you can run away before they stop laughing.

So, in conclusion, I feel very strongly that the phrase "the greatest thing since sliced bread", when used to imply that something is a great product, while still asserting that sliced bread is a superior product, is both erroneous and ludicrous. Sliced bread is not all it's hyped up to be. I suspect some bread maker propaganda is at work here...and I pray you will break the brainwashed hold they have over your mind and vocabulary.
I hope I have proven the point that most people greatly prefer unsliced
bread, thus making pre-sliced bread an inferior product. I could list tons of products that are better than sliced bread, such as bikinis, iPods, cheese, and Spongebob among others.
What's so great about sliced bread? Not much at all...

©2010 Denim McDemus

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed reading this! Very funny and inciteful. I shall now say "The greatist thing since a dynovox Vmax assistive technology device". Since I am anti bikini!

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