About this blog:
I blog on random Pop Culture subjects. I also post Top 13 Lists. I could do a cliched Top 10 like everyone else, but then I'd be just like everyone else.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Top 13 Worst Songs of All Time

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've been out of commission with illness for quite a long time.
So, without further adieu, here's this week's Top 13 List:

"The Top 13 Worst Songs of All Time"

13. "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell or Counting Crows or ANYONE!
A just plain annoying song! Being campy, cutsie, and causey all make this song HORRENDOUS! Poorly written, and poorly delivered in every version I’ve been unfortunate enough to hear.

12. "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus
You knew it would be on here at some point. I had the unfortunate luck of hearing this song live when I worked at the TV station. Even for $11 an hour, it still wasn't worth it to have to endure the 3:40 of hell that is "Achy Breaky Heart".

11. " Lemon" by U2
What the heck was that crap? 100% unlistenable!

10. "Baby's Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot
A lot of people are humored by this song. Coincidentally, a lot of people have a 12 year old maturity level. This song is asinine at best (no pun intended). Very annoying. If you were alive during it's heyday, you know how often it was played EVERYWHERE, which is highly inappropriate when you think of the content. What a stupid song!

9. "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia
Idk why this song was popular. It annoyed the crap out of me. Terrible song, terrible lyrics, and she has the most emotionless singing voice I've ever heard. Her inflection never changes! Apparently she’s not really all that “torn”.

8. "Hip Hop Hooray" by Naughty By Nature
This song is nonsensical, lame, and utterly annoying. I'm down with OPP as much as the next guy, but they should have left it at that. This song stinks! They just keep saying "Hey ho, hey ho, hey ho, hey ho" about 27,000 times. What does that mean? Are they calling for a deaf hooker, or are they just TRYING to be annoying as hell? You be the judge...

7. “Womanizer” by Britney Spears
When I first heard this song (in a music store no less!), the only thought that dominated my mind was, “What the heck is that crap?” It’s bad even for Britney. She can’t sing, at all, and she ruined music, because every girl younger than her grew up trying to sound just like her!

6. "Unforgettable" by Natalie Cole
Who the heck does this chick this she is? Making her brilliant dad sing BACKGROUND, to HER crappy vocals, on HIS signature song? Does ego know no bounds? I'm sorry sister, but you can't even hold a candle to your old man!

5. “Clumsy” by Fergie
The annoying beat, her annoying voice, the terrible lyrics, and the extremely nerve-racking “girl can’t help it” and whatever unintelligible words she yells back parts make this song one of the worst ever. And let’s not forget how annoying the “I don’t stay single long” ego trip speech is. This song almost makes me pull out my own eardrums.

4. “LoveGame” by Lady GaGa
Sigh. What can I say about Lady GaGa? Every one of her songs I hear belongs on this list, but this is the worst of them. The terribly asinine and perverted lyrics, the annoying beat, her robotic voice, the line “I wanna take a ride on your disco stick”, I’m not sure what is the worst part. It’s VERY hard to believe there are 3 worse songs than this!

3. "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
WOW! Does it get much worse than this? Unfortunately and amazingly yes, since this is only at number 3. She just goes on and on with this sappy crappy utter garbage! She makes 4 ½ minutes seem like a lifetime! Did you ever eat an ENTIRE bag of Sour Patch Kids? Too much sugar? Yeah, exactly! I get the same effect from hearing this "song". If it was JUST sappy, maybe I'd just ignore it, but this song is SO BAD it's literally sickening! Whitney, I vomit on your song. Maybe Bobby can beat the crappiness out of you?

2. "Don't Stop The Music" by Rihanna
This song is SO HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, and ANNOYING that every copy of it should be smashed, melted, and jettisoned into space, so it's NEVER played again! If you have it on your computer, I'm going to break into your house, smash your hard drive, and sell the pieces on E-Bay as garbage barge cargo.
She just KEEPS saying, "please don't stop the music" OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, and I so desperately WANT the music to stop! It made me actually want to smash the radio the 1000 times a day it came on during its recent heyday. This may well be the worst song of all time, and if I hear it even one more time, it will probably move into the number 1 spot. Most of her other songs belong on this list too.

1. "Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless)" by Crystal Waters
This TERRIBLY ANNOYING "song" has been the number one worst for about 17 years! All other crappy songs (with the exception of " Don't Stop The Music") pale in comparison. If she was aiming for crappiness, she succeeded in abundance. Her voice is HORRIBLE, the lyrics are TERRIBLE, and it's SO ANNOYING! I HATE IT! She just keeps saying "lada di lada da lada di lada da" over and over! It annoys the heck out of me! It's supposed to be a "socially conscious" song, but after about the 800th "Lada di lada da", I could care less if she's homeless or not! Worst song ever (but "Don't Stop The Music" is creeping up, and threatening Crystal's 17 year reign).

So yeah, that's my list. Hope you enjoyed the ranting.
If you have any suggestions, please post them as blog comments. I'm open to suggestions. I'm sure there's quite a few worthy songs I forgot.
Close to making the list were the crappy slow remake of The Cure's "Boys Don't Cry" by idk who, and the crappy white boy reggae remake 311 did of The Cure's "Love Song". If you're gonna remake a Cure song, at least do it well. Do it the same way they did it, to pay homage to them. Don't change the style of the song, because you can't improve on perfection! That's like scribbling in a coloring book, and saying it's better than Rembrandt.

Honorable Mention:
“Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In” by The Fifth Dimension
“Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis
“Faith in Nothing” by Eve 6
“Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani
“Jive Talkin” by Bee Gees
“Le Freak” by Chic
“Love In This Club” by Usher
“Love Song” by 311
“Poker Face” by Lady GaGa
“Rico Suave” by Gerardo
“Whoomp There It Is” by Tag Team
“With You” by Chris Brown

©2010 Denim McDemus

Thursday, June 3, 2010

“Top 13 Pop Culture Heroes on TV”

I don’t mean “heroes” as in they were the bravest and the best. I mean “heroes” of Pop Culture, in the sense that you actually cheered when they came on screen.

Most of them aren’t the main characters of their shows, but were very popular supporting characters that really added to the entertainment value of their programs. A few of them are main characters that really carried their show.

Some of them are quirky, some are funny, some are cool, and some are just plain weird. Some of them are bad guys you just had to cheer for. All of them stand out as Pop Culture Heroes!

13. Q (Star Trek The Next Generation)

12. Glen Quagmire (Family Guy)

11. Carl Brutananadilewski (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

10. Norm Peterson (Cheers)

9. Evelyn William “Bill” McNeal (NewsRadio)

8. “The Man From Another Place” (Twin Peaks)

7. George Jefferson (The Jeffersons)

6. Lenny Kosnowski and Andrew “Squiggy” Squigman (Lavern and Shirley)

5. Cosmo Kramer (Seinfeld)

4. Fred Sanford (Sanford and Son)

3. Archie Bunker (All In The Family)

2. Arthur “Fonzi” Fonzarelli (Happy Days)

1. Al Bundy (Married With Children)

Honorable Mention:
Bosco Albert “BA” Baracus/H.M. “Howling Mad” Mudock (A-Team)
Dr. Johnny Fever (WKRP in Cincinnati)
Dwayne Schneider (One Day at a Time)
Eddie Haskell (Leave it to Beaver)
Frederick “Rerun” Stubbs (What’s Happening!!)
Major Roger Healey (I Dream of Jeanie)
Margaret “The Log Lady” Lanterman (Twin Peaks)
Monroe Ficus (Too Close For Comfort)
Montgomery “Scotty” Scott (Star Trek)
Sophia Petrillo (Golden Girls)
Tattoo (Fantasy Island)
Ted Baxter (The Mary Tyler Moore Show)

©2010 Denim McDemus