Please don't kill Lord Morpheus

If DC/WB seriously ruins The Sandman, the greatest comic book of all time, I think I will vomit out of disgust.

In the early 1990's, my world was a slightly better place thanks to a very entertaining and well told story, found in the pages of DC's dark spinoff, Vertigo Comics, spawned from the creative mind of writer Neil Gaiman. Dream, his equally flawed siblings of The Endless, and the eclectic cast of supporting characters populating Lord Morpheus' gloomy, yet quirky realm, a wonderful fantasy land where I actually felt like I belonged, were a huge part of my adolescence.

Let's hope producer Joseph Gordon-Levitt doesn't cast himself as Dream. That would be a travesty, an injustice the likes of which even the Endless have never seen before.

No offense to "Dark Knight" writer David Goyer, but Neil Gaiman should be writing the screenplay, not just "executive producing".

In this matter, I agree with Sandman creator Neil Gaiman. I'd rather there be "no Sandman movie than a bad Sandman movie." Lightning only strikes once. It's hard to do justice in reproducing such a rarely brilliant piece pop culture art. That is why The Sandman film has been in limbo for over two decades, and probably should remain so.

If this project ever makes its way to the big screen, I hope I will be pleasantly surprised at the results, but if not, I will be devastated that my adolescence has been turned into a theme park.

©2014 Denim McDemus

Why Marvel is winning the movie war

Here's the big difference between Marvel movies and DC movies:

Marvel/Disney announce them, promote the heck out of them, and then release them soon after. They also promote the characters through cameo appearances, which leads to solo films, which then leads to team-ups and team films. Plus they keep the public excited about their product, by putting out several blockbuster Marvel films every year, strategically spread throughout the year, so that one is opening as another is fading out.

DC/WB announce possible films that won't even be cast for several years, and often don't ever happen, featuring characters the non-comic-reading general public isn't familiar with, without introducing the characters first, and featuring actors/actresses most people aren't yet familiar with, or who most people hate. Sure, DC has the big one-two punch. Batman and Superman will always be big draws. But other DC characters? Not without the type of visual promotion rival Marvel employs.

What do you get more excited about, possible films with sketchy release dates far in the future, featuring obscure characters and unannounced actors/actresses, or action-packed previews of soon to be released films, featuring the actual cast and a set release date?

Of course, the one problem both companies share is their habit of casting Ryan Reynolds. Stop doing that!

©2014 Denim McDemus

No Hope For Television

FOX dropped the ball again. “Raising Hope” was the best comedy on TV, and the most quirky fun I've had in a long time.

Burt and Virginia Chance (Garret Dillahunt and Martha Plimpton) were TV's best couple, and the show had the best supporting cast on TV: Gregg Binkley as Barney, Todd Giebenhain as Frank, Kate Micucci as Shelley, and of course Cloris Leachman's brilliant performance as Maw Maw.

Sure, Lucas Neff and Shannon Woodward were average at best as Jimmy and Sabrina, but the rest of the cast more than made up for it, and Burt and Virginia were the main focus of the show anyway, and rightfully so. Sure, they got away from the premise of Hope's upbringing, in favor of more quirky adventures, but that's what made the show so great. 

The show still had a lot left in the tank. It hadn't gotten stale at all. There was a lot more they could have done yet.

Once again, FOX had a great show, and once again, they failed to promote it, moved its time slot too many times, and gave up on it way too soon.

Poor Jeffrey Tambor (Virginia's father, Arnold) was on the wrong end of FOX's ineptness again (Arrested Development). Series Creator Greg Garcia once again had a quirky comedy with a loyal cult following canceled after 4 seasons (My Name Is Earl). His other current show, The Millers, just doesn't have the quirky feel of “Raising Hope” and “My Name Is Earl”. It comes off as normal TV fare, despite starring the brilliant Will Arnett.

I will miss tuning in to one of the few shows worth watching in these sad days for television. Pat yourselves on the back, America, as you corrode your brain with the mindless drivel, rehashed content, and staged reality shows which you have demanded the television landscape be littered with.

©2014 Denim McDemus

How I Met Your Mother Finale Failure

THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS:

So... I watched the HowIMetYourMother 2 part finale, and I kind of wish I hadn't. The episodes weren't funny, but also weren't nostalgic. They certainly weren't legend...wait for it...dary. They were even depressing and infuriating at times. Sure, life has sad moments. People grow apart. But this is fiction, television, entertainment, an escape, a comedy.

This should have been the episode that lasts in our memory of all that was great about the show. I was looking forward to the finale, but I was very disappointed in it. This show went out with a dud rather than a bang. (no Barney pun intended)

All along, I've been making more appropriate mock titles for the show, so here are some based on the finale (spoilers):

"How I Wasted 9 Years Searching For A Temporary Solution"

"How I Met Your Mother, But Still Ended Up With Robin"

"How I Ruined A Great Show In 2 Episodes"

"How To Build Up To A Brief Footnote In Ted's Life"

"How To Spend Your Life Searching For Miss Right, and Still End Up With Miss Wrong"

"How To Abandon The Show's Premise After 9 Seasons"

"How To Untie Loose Ends"

"How To Punish Barney For Finally Settling Down"

"How To Alienate Your Fan Base"

"How To Make Your Kids Uncomfortable For 9 Years"

"How To Disrespect Your Late Wife's Memory"

"How I Never Loved Your Mother"

"How Your Mother Wasn't Robin"

"How I Gave Robin Yet Another Chance To Use Me"

"How Bad Was That Finale"

Maybe you liked it? Maybe you're glad Barney and Robin got divorced? Maybe you're glad Ted and Robin MAY HAVE gotten back together? Maybe you're ok with the show spending 9 seasons leading up to Ted meeting "The Mother", and then have her killed off a few minutes later (in real time, not the in show timeline)? Maybe you're ok with Ted finally finding and marrying the perfect woman for him, but ending up with someone who has been proven to be wrong for time many times? Maybe you're ok with Barney losing the only woman he ever truly loved, and that incident pulling the gang apart? Maybe you enjoyed the "How I Met Your Mother" finale, but I did not.

©2014 Denim McDemus

Movie Reviews: Hyde Park on Hudson, This is 40, The Guilt Trip

"Hyde Park on Hudson" 7 of 10 Stars
The Great Bill Murray played FDR surprisingly well in "Hyde Park on Hudson". It's a good film for fans of Murray and fans of history, of which I am both. Otherwise, you may find it a bit dull.

It's mostly about one of FDR's many affairs, this one with his distant cousin Margaret "Daisy" Suckley, with a visit from the King and Queen of England to discuss the impending war with Germany as a secondary plot.

Murray once again has shown his versatility, going from campy goofball movies like "Caddyshack" and "Meatballs", to still goofy, but slightly more leading man comedic roles such as in "Stripes" and "Ghostbusters", to somewhat more cerebral comedy in "Groundhog Day" and "What About Bob", "Ed Wood" and Kingpin", to dry, quirky comedy in Sofia Coppala's "Lost In Translation" and Wes Anderson's films, to now portraying one of America's most beloved presidents in a historical drama, along with portraying a polio victim.

I enjoyed this film, but the Roosevelts, history, and Bill Murray are all points of interest for me. Unfortunately, I'd wager it's not for everyone.


"This is 40" 4 of 10 Stars
This somewhat sequel to "Knocked Up" features writer Judd Apatow's real-life wife and children in a depressing film about family disfunction, making you wonder what he's trying to tell us about his home-life.

Apatow's regular quirky comedy was mostly missing from this film, except for a few amusing moments. When it was funny, it was really funny, but those moments were few and far between. Even cameos by Apatow regulars such as Jason Segal and the sex appeal of Megan Fox couldn't save this film.

The film was marketed as a comedy about reaching middle-age, but it's far from comedic. The majority of the film is depressing and annoying. It's mostly about a couple's marriage and both of their businesses failing, their financial ruin, and their worsening relationships with their bratty teenage daughter and both of their fathers, who both oddly have started new families of their own. Basically, we are show over two hours of people yelling and cursing at each other, while their lives and finances fall apart. People watch films to escape the harsh reality of their real lives, not to watch it in a mirror.

The film makes the situation between Debbie and her father very unclear until the end, but not in a plot twist type of way, just in a "neglecting to tell us" way. There are a lot of aspects of the film's characters that they just never tell us, that would've helped move the often stagnant plot and help viewers care about the mostly hatable characters.

The biggest problem with this film is its length. The first hour was slow and boring, but it picked up quite a bit halfway through. Had Apatow cut it down to the standard 90 minutes, he would've brought us a much more entertaining film than this 134 minute mistake.    


"The Guilt Trip" 1 of 10 Stars
This film is just plain awful.
Barbara Streisand's character is supposed to be who the viewers feel for, but the character really has no redeeming qualities.
Seth Rogan really has no place in a dramatic film, even though it was falsely advertised as a comedy. He can only be taken seriously in slacker comedy rolls.
If you enjoy watching people make each other feel bad and constantly fail, or if you are suffering from extreme insomnia, this is the film for you. If you are looking to be amused or entertained, avoid this film like the bubonic plague.

Copyright 2013 Denim McDemus  

Is it Easter at Netflix?

As we anxiously await the 5/26 return of Arrested Development, Netflix has decided to have some fun with Seasons 1-3 on their site:

They use bananas instead of stars for rating the show.

If you search for any title containing the word "blue", there will be Tobias' blue paint on the results page, which is clickable.

If you go through the "Popular on Netflix" list, there is a clickable note saying "Milk".

In the comedy section, there is a clickable actual egg on the cover of "Nature Series, Volume 3: Dance of the Chicken".

There's a clickable yellow bow-tie on the bottom of the Watch Instantly page.

If you search for many of the fictional shows/films mentioned on the show, you'll find a Netflix write up for it, such as:

Wrench
Caged Wisdom
Les Cousins Dangereux
Scandalmakers
Girls With Low Self-Esteem
Families With Low Self-Esteem
Ready, Aim, Marry Me
Mock Trial with J. Reinhold
Boyfights
World's Worst Drivers
Love Indubitably
Homeless Dad
El Amor Prohibido

It's nice to see that: 1. Netflix is actually promoting the show, something Fox never bothered to do. 2. That someone at Netflix actually "gets" the humor of the show, and recognizes the savvy of the show's core fans, and the vital role of the show's MANY running gags and catchphrases.

It's not a show for everyone, it's a show for a special breed of viewer, and apparently Netflix gets that.

Copyright 2013 Denim McDemus

King of Terrible Endings

Terrible ending to "King of the Nerds" last night!

1. It's dumb that they had the final 4, 3, and 2 all in one episode instead of three.

2. Ivan, the best contestant by far all throughout the show, lost in the final 4 in a physical challenge. This is a show to determine who is the biggest nerd, so why a physical challenge? Wouldn't the person losing the physical challenge be the biggest nerd?

3. It seems obvious that they rigged the show to keep three cute girls as the final three to keep their male viewers watching.

4. Stop giving Danielle camera time to boo hoo!

5. After a whole season of challenges on a competition show, it was ridiculous to have the winner be chosen by their former competitors' voting, rather than the winner earning it in a final challenge. The final round should have been the hardest to win.
Obviously the other contestants had biased opinions and grudges, so they wouldn't necessarily pick the deserving winner. Many of them were eliminated by losing to Genevieve, and were never threatened by useless Celeste.
Plus, the contestants who were eliminated early in the show weren't around to see which finalist had performed the best.

6. Celeste of all people winning really hurt the show's credibility. She's not even nerdy or smart or anything. She didn't earn her spot in the final 4, 3, or 2, and certainly not victory and $100,000. She was never in a nerd-off because no one saw her as a threat, since he didn't do anything at all during the whole competition. She was often a liability to her team in the team challenges, or just a non-factor. The ONLY things she achieved were pitting Danielle and Genevieve against each other in the second to last episode, and being so harmless that she went unnoticed by her competitors.

Congrats "King of the Nerds", you ruined your competition with an ill-advised ending that produced an undeserving winner.

Copyright 2013 Denim McDemus

Superman is not a nerd

Here's a thought to ponder:
Lately I've been discussing the degree of nerdiness of King of the Nerds contestants on Thursdays.
I recently watched a Big Bang Theory clip where Sheldon was wearing a Superman shirt and it got me thinking. I know Sheldon is a fictional character, but why would any nerd be into Superman? Superman is the original big dumb jock.
Batman is a dark loner who uses technology. Spiderman is a nerd who got bitten by a radioactive spider, and many superheroes received their powers from an accident or freak genetic mutation. And they often have trouble fitting into society.
Superman is an alien who uses superior strength to defeat his opponents, and as if that wasn't enough, oh yea he can fly too. Even when he puts on glasses to be Clark Kent, he's stiff a big buff jock type. And he's just pretending to need glasses, when really he can shoot laser beams from his eyes.
And he's accepted by everyone, celebrated like a Friday night QB who just won the big game.
How can any nerd relate to Superman? He should remind them of the jocks who pick on them for being nerds. Just a thought.

Top 13 Underrated Albums of My Era

There are some really great albums from my era that aren't on this list, since they achieved significant commercial success. For an album to be considered “underrated”, it had to have gone mostly unnoticed by the general public of its era. With nostalgic 80’s and 90’s Alternative Rock stations online and on satellite radio today, some of this music is more well-known now than it was back then.

I consider “my era” to be when I was in high school, 1989-1993, and college, 1993-1997. Many of the greatest albums of all time came out in the early 90’s, in particular 1991-1992. I was fortunate enough to be a teenager and an Alternative Rock fan at that time, so I enjoyed these albums immensely. That was the last great era of music. It’s been going downhill since the early 90’s, and most of today’s music is horrendous. While most of my contemporaries were listening to Snoop Dogg and Coolio, and the worst song of all time, Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You, was dominating the airwaves, I was rocking out to the albums listed below.

13. The Church “Gold Afternoon Fix” 1990
Australian Alternative band The Church was under a lot of pressure to produce a successful follow up to 1988’s surprising hit album Starfish and brilliant single Under The Milky Way. After the distractions of producer switches, studio meddling, substance abuse, and volatile studio sessions, the result was 1990’s Gold Afternoon Fix. Steve Kilbey’s ethereal voice, Marty Willson-Piper’s darkly toned guitar work, and a litany of ambient sounds make the songs sound haunting and desolate, yet they’re all so catchy. The single Metropolis is delightful and very underrated. Lead track Pharaoh is wonderfully eerie. Other highlights include second single You’re Still Beautiful, single-worthy Terra Nova Cain, Fading Away, and City, the poppy Transient, and the melodically slow Monday Morning. Even though it’s the band’s least favorite album, I loved it.

12. Local H “As Good As Dead” 1996
Illinois Alternative Rock duo Local H, consisting of vocalist/guitarist/bassist Scott Lucas and drummer Joe Daniels, had a College Radio hit with the rocking single Bound For The Floor, and minor hits with the clever pop-like Eddie Vedder and hard-edged Fritz’s Corner. The album is also note-worthy for the scathing potty-mouthed song High-Fiving MF. (You can use your own imagination on the acronym “MF”.) Lucas’ rock star voice, grungy looks, rocking guitar work, and energetic performing should have translated into major commercial success. Maybe his harsh fan and industry-attacking lyrics held them back?

11. Superdrag “Regretfully Yours” 1996
Knoxville’s Superdrag would have been Pop Rock superstars had they come out alongside the Beatles and other melodic Pop Rock bands of the 1960’s. Coming out in the 1990’s only allowed them to make it into MTV’s Buzz Bin. On the great lead single Sucked Out, both the music and John Davis’ vocals seamlessly transition between sweet Power Pop and whiney, almost EMO, Alternative Rock. Follow up single Destination Ursa Major may be even better. The bittersweet Alterna-Pop songs on this album definitely deserve a listen by anyone who grew up listening to 90’s Alternative Rock or the British Invasion of the 1960’s.

10. Violent Femmes “Why Do Birds Sing?” 1991
Is there anything more fun than an album by Milwaukee Folk-Punk trio the Violent Femmes? 1991’s Why Do Birds Sing? is often forgotten in comparison to the band’s earlier work, and most people have only heard their eponymous debut. But Gordon Gano, Brian Richie, and Victor DeLorenzo put together a great album for a new generation of fans before drummer DeLorenzo’s temporary split. Single American Music is one of Alt Rock’s greatest anthems. The Culture Club remake Do You Really Want To Hurt Me has a lot more passion than the original. Out The Window and Hey Nonny Nonny are fun story songs. Look Like That, Used to Be, Girl Trouble, and Lack of Knowledge are classic bouncy Femmes songs at their best. Flamingo Baby and He Likes Me would fit perfectly on the revered first album. More Money Tonight is an underdog success story any early 1990’s Alternative Rock fan can relate to. This is a great album that came out at a great time.

9. Eels “Beautiful Freak” 1996
Eels revolves around singer/guitarist/keyboardist/drummer E, aka Mark Oliver Everett, who had a semi-successful solo album A Man Called E. On the early Dreamworks Records release Beautiful Freak, E was joined by drummer Butch Norton and bassist Tommy Walker. E’s dreamy voice pushes out edgy lyrics while the melancholy, but enjoyable, music makes the perfectly somber songs stand out even more. The addition of Walker’s stand up bass really helped define Eel’s sound. First single Novocaine for the Soul is an Alternative Rock classic with a Beatlesque chorus. The darkly delightful single Your Lucky Day in Hell would be a Pop hit if it was about cheerier subject matter. Susan’s House gives a narrative about everything E sees on his walk to a girlfriend’s house. The title track is a beautiful love song for a one in a kind girl. My Beloved Monster is wonderful, cute, and catchy, with some hints of Rock and Experimental Rock, and lyrics that could easily have multiple meanings. This album also featured haunting cover art of a little girl with oversized eyes crawling on the ground. This is one of the best albums of its time, and is still very enjoyable today.

8. Cracker “Self Titled” 1992
Alt-Country band Cracker is most well known for 1993’s Kerosene Hat and its singles Low, Get Off This, and hidden track Euro-Trash Girl, but their finest moment was their 1992 self-titled debut. Singer David Lowery of Camper Van Beethoven brought his humorous lyrics to his new project Cracker, enlisting the guitar work of longtime friend Johnny Hickman. First single Teen Angst (What The World Needs Now) is a great Alternative Rock slacker anthem. It’s twangy, but it rocks. Second single Happy Birthday to Me is whimsical fun, harkening back to the wacky humor of Camper Van Beethoven’s Take The Skinheads Bowling. The album is fully of quirky, witty lyrics, especially on tracks like the Outlaw Country song Mr. Wrong, the self-defeatist Can I Take My Gun Up To Heaven, and the almost carnivalesque Dr. Bernice. Another Song About The Rain is a beautiful Country ballad with an Alt Rock edge. Songs like This is Cracker Soul, I See The Light, and Someday almost defy categorization, but do so brilliantly. Cracker even borders on Pop Rock with Satisfy You. Simply put, this album is fun to listen to, so get to it.

7. Lemonheads “It’s a Shame About Ray” 1992
This was the album that blossomed Evan Dando and company, with help from also about to blossom Juliana Hatfield, into Alternative Rock superstars…briefly…almost anyway. Unfortunately, this brilliant album full of deliciously sweet vocals and clever lyrics went largely unnoticed, until their rocking cover of Simon and Garfunkel’s Mrs. Robinson from the remake of The Graduate was added on. If you only bought it for the soundtrack cover, you missed out on many great songs. Singles It’s a Shame About Ray and Confetti should have been enough to garner mainstream attention. Album tracks Rockin Stroll, Ceiling Fan in My Spoon, Rudderless, My Drug Buddy, Bit Part, and Kitchen are some of the best songs of their era. The rocking fun of Allison’s Starting to Happen alone is reason enough to buy this album. I met Evan Dando once, although he was too drunk to remember. Perhaps only Dando’s alcoholism and substance abuse prevented this handsome, beautifully voiced singer from becoming a superstar?

6. Live “Mental Jewelry” 1991
York, PA band Live hit it big with their sophomore effort Throwing Copper, but their best album was their first, which most people missed. Mental Jewelry, produced by Jerry Harrison of the Talking Heads, has a raw edge the band seemed to lose when they went commercial. Everyone’s heard stories of how quickly success went to singer Ed Kowalczyk’s head, and it showed in their more pop-ready, singles factory albums to follow. Mental Jewelry is filled with socially, politically, and ecologically conscious lyrics from a youthful but intellectual and philosophical perspective. The beautiful anti-racism song The Beauty of Gray is by far the best song in Live’s catalogue. Youth anthems Pain Lies on the Riverside, Operation Spirit, and Tired of Me should have fueled an angst-filled generation. Mirror Song, Waterboy, Take My Anthem, You Are The World, etc are beautiful songs with poetic lyrics on topics most bands shy away from. The albums after Throwing Copper were a major disappointment to those of us who knew what Live was really capable of. If you want to know, check out Mental Jewelry.

5.Ned’s Atomic Dustbin “God Fodder” 1991
English band Ned’s Atomic Dustbin’s sound is fast paced, guitar and drum-driven Alternative Rock with the added twist of two bass players, Alex Griffin and Mat Cheslin. John Penney’s vocals spit out the band’s clever lyrics at a fast pace too. Their full-length debut God Fodder garnered them some short-lived notice on both sides of the Atlantic. The album starts off with the raucous rocker Kill Your Television that will kick your teeth in. Alternative Rock masterpiece Grey Cells Green is one of the finest songs ever written. Happy describes a volatile romantic relationship better than any of its contemporaries, while the blitzkrieg of Throwing Things kicks it up even another notch. Less Than Useful is a slacker anthem for a slacker generation. Your Complex has the best guitar riffs of the album. Selfish, Cut Up, What Gives My Son?, and You all exude angst-driven Alternative Rock greatness. Sadly, you probably missed out on this band.

4.Teenage Fanclub “Bandwagonesque” 1991
As with Superdrag, Scottish band Teenage Fanclub would have thrived in the 1960’s world of over-sweetened, harmonious British Invasion Power Pop. Their sound based around smooth but powerful guitar riffs and harmonized vocals has been likened to Big Star and the Byrds. Their third album, Bandwagonesque actually beat out Nirvana, R.E.M., and My Bloody Valentine for Album of the Year in Spin Magazine. Despite that honor, you probably never heard any of their songs until The Concept was in the 2011 film Young Adult. Star Sign would have been a #1 hit in the 60’s. Alcoholiday and The Concept are among the elite songs of a decade filled with great songs. Metal Baby and Guiding Star are beautiful Alternative Rock ballads that still find a way to rock. December, Sidewinder, and Pet Rock are Bubblegum Pop/Alternative Rock songs that your ears need to be treated to. If you saw a gorgeous flower, you’d probably pick it. Don’t pass by this piece of musical art without picking it up and giving it a listen.

3. Dinosaur Jr. “Green Mind” 1991
Another great album from 1991 is Dinosaur Jr.’s major label debut Green Mind. Most of the instruments on the album were played by singer J. Mascis, with drummer Murph (also of the Lemonheads) appearing on three tracks. If ever someone deserved be the voice of Generation X, it was the lethargic-voiced Mascis. Unfortunately, they didn’t bother to listen. Despite the title, Puke and Cry is one of my favorite songs of all time and a great Alternative Rock love song. The Wagon is a fast paced rocker (except for Mascis’ always drawn out vocals) with clever lyrics and fun music. Blowing It, I Live For That Look, and Thumb display both Mascis’ distinctive vocal and guitar skills, and could have easily been on mainstream radio. Without knowing better, you’d think Flying Cloud was by Led Zeppelin. How’d You Pin That One on Me is a blisteringly fast-paced Rock song, with the great line “Get me a bucket” in the chorus. Water almost sounds like a Bob Mould song, which is an amazing compliment. Muck would be a hit single with anyone else singing it. It’s the one song where J’s raspy voice doesn’t seem to fit. Despite that one criticism, this album is great from start to finish. Unfortunately, it’s more known for its controversial cover art by Joseph Szabo of a young girl smoking a cigarette than for its brilliant songs.

2. Nine Inch Nails “Pretty Hate Machine” 1989
I have a personal story about this one. At my graduating class’ all night party, my friends and I suffered through the Pop and Hip Hop songs our classmates were requesting, but took a chance and requested Head Like a Hole. This was before Trent Reznor became a household name and an MTV staple. Surprisingly the DJ had it, but was reluctant to play it, seeing as the crowd was appeased with the drivel his speakers were pumping out. We took turns requesting it all night, until he finally gave in just to shut us up. We had a great time dancing around to that great song, while all the Snoop Dogg fans quickly cleared the dance floor.
This entire indie album is brilliant, with no weak spots at all. It is intense Industrial Rock at its best, with detailed programming, expertly distorted sampling, powerful riffs, and well-written lyrics. The angry anthem Head Like a Hole rocks the socks off any other song from 1989. Terrible Lie and Sanctified lull you into a false calm before screaming straight to your brain and shoving their metaphysical feet down your throat. The great songs Down In It, Kinda I Want To, and That’s What I Get offer up clever lyrics and innovative music. Sin is an amazing barrage to your senses. The Only Time channels the Blues before erupting into Industrial Rock. Ringfinger is a guitar driven assault. And then there’s Something I Can Never Have… If you had the cassette tape like I did, this piece of bliss ended the often-played side one, and was the only reason you’d want that side to reach its end. That song provides the nearest to an orgasmic experience that listening to music can. Many people discovered the brilliance of Pretty Hate Machine after Nine Inch Nails achieved commercial success, but be honest, you didn’t hear it back when it was fresh…

1. Sonic Youth “Dirty” 1992
NYC Noise Rock pioneers and Alternative Rock icons Sonic Youth’s 7th studio album was produced by the highly successful Butch Vig. The diverse album seamlessly switches back and forth between songs showcasing Thurston Moore’s smooth voice and those assaulted by Kim Gordon’s intense growl, both taken to higher levels by Sonic Youth’s brilliant avant-garde musicianship and the perfected guitar work of Moore and Lee Ranaldo. No one does “Noise Rock” better, while still mastering traditional rock sounds. If you love guitars and hearing how far their limits can be pushed, this is that album for you. The aural assault starts off with 100%, a guitar and feedback driven song with Pop sensibilities. Next your ears are attacked by Kim Gordon’s scathing commentary on the modeling industry, Swimsuit Issue. Theresa’s Sound-World brings us back to the gorgeous vocals of Moore in a laid-back song that at times kicks into a feedback-fueled rage. In Drunken Butterfly, Gordon again kicks your teeth in, all the while saying she loves you, despite the not knowing your insignificant name. Shoot is Kim’s anthem of an abused and controlled woman’s sly self-liberation. Wish Fulfillment is yet another Thurston Moore Alternative Rock classic with the beauty of Mainstream Rock mixed with the intensity of hardcore. Sugar Kane is even better, with Thurston’s velvet vocals and he and Ranaldo’s virtuoso guitar work making it one of the best Alt Rock masterpieces of the 1990’s. Gordon’s hardcore Orange Rolls, Angel’s Spit and Moore’s anti-racism rant Youth Against Fascism, featuring a cameo by punk legend Ian MacKaye of Minor Threat and Fugazi, pack the blistering sonic punch the band’s name suggests. In the short tirade of Nic Fit, Thurston somehow channels his wife’s frantic vocals. Kim then returns the favor by contributing her most harmonious offering of the album, On The Strip. Next is my personal favorite, Chapel Hill, an epic song, and quite possibly the greatest Alt Rock song of my era. Yea, I said that. Listen to the whole song and then try to prove me wrong… The chaotically beautiful JC (along with 100%) pays tribute to Sonic Youth’s murdered friend and roadie, Joe Cole. Purr kicks the frenetic Noise Rock back into high gear, again showcasing Thurston Moore’s lethargic, but rock star quality vocals. Kim Gordon puts the finishing touches on Dirty by growling out the pretty and simplistic song Crème Brulee. The US vinyl and the Japanese CD releases have a bonus track called Stalker, but I really don’t think it fits in with the other 15 tracks of the album.

Sonic Youth’s Dirty is the most underrated album of my era. I loved the whole album back then and I still love it today. If you see me walking my dog with earbuds in, it’s probably what I’m listening to. If you’ve never heard it, you’re really missing out on some great music. Now that you’ve heard of it, you have no excuse for denying yourself this epic event in music history.

©2012 Denim McDemus

“Top 13 Reasons the Entertainment World is Better Off Without Whitney Houston”

First of all, even I’m not that insensitive. I’m not celebrating her death, just her forced retirement. She was one of the worst and most overrated entertainers of all time, and unfortunately during my lifetime. Her more than a decade long spiral into self-destruction, leading to her early demise is tragic, but that doesn’t make her contributions to the entertainment world any less excruciating.

13. Whitney Houston started “acting” again, in “Sparkle” a soon to be released re-make of a 1976 film. Didn’t “The Bodyguard”, “Waiting To Exhale”, “The Preacher’s Wife” and “Rogers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella” display enough of Whitney’s pathetic acting skills?

12. She also started recording again, reportedly adding two songs to the Sparkle Soundtrack.

11. Prince can live at ease now that Whitney’s no longer stalking him at his LA concerts.

10. California liquor stores will now be fully stocked for other lush entertainers.

9. Houston’s CDs can now be used as commemorative frisbees and coasters, rather than just trap shoot targets.

8. Jon Bon Jovi can now begin his reign as the most annoying singer from New Jersey.

7. Whitney doesn’t have to come up any more ways to name albums after herself. (“Whitney Houston” “Whitney” “Just Whitney”)

6. Her voice is completely gone. She sounds like a soft-spoken troll, or someone with a cold whispering Tommy’s got the Motts. The music world already has one too many Macy Grays.

5. “The Bodyguard” is just plain awful. Like ALL of her other films, it is a remake, so there’s no originality at work at all. Pairing up Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner, two of the least talented celebrities of all time, should be a crime against humanity. But the worst thing about “The Bodyguard” is listed below at #1.

4. Bobby Brown has one less person to beat up and do drugs with.

3. No more failed Whitney Houston comeback tours for audience members to walk out on.

2. “Greatest Love of All”, yet another re-make by the uncreative Whitney Houston, was the second most annoying song of her career, hence the #2 ranking. Like the even worse song listed below, this one seems to drone on and on in sappy, vomit inducing bliss. “The Greatest Love of All” was Houston’s 3rd most successful hit, but definitely her 2nd worst song.

1. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston is the lowest point ever in the history of the music industry. Like most of Whitney’s career “highlights”, it’s a re-make. If you were around in 1992-93, which was the epicenter of “my era”, you know that this horribly annoying, seemingly endless, whiney Whitney song was on the radio nearly non-stop. This was before the days of satellite and streaming radio and iPods. There were few choices for musical entertainment, and most of them overplayed this terrible song for about a year. It’s sappy, crappy, and almost as monotone as Ben Stein. This song is by far my worst memory of my senior year of high school, forever scarring my ears, my musical taste buds, and common decency.

R.I.P. Whitney Houston (1963-2012), a tragic death, but a sigh of relief for people with good taste in music.

©2012 Denim McDemus

“The Top 25 Albums That Helped Define Me”

First of all, I had to go with a “Top 25” for this list, because music was such a big part of growing up for me. There’s no way I could narrow it down to just 13 albums.
As for the criteria: These are full albums from the era I grew up in, from childhood through my teens, which had an impact on my pop culture experience, and the future of my taste in music. These are the albums I wore out, singing along to the soundtrack of my life.

Music is a big part of pop culture, and a big part of my life. It always has been. It always will be. Sure, there are years, even decades, in which the musical crop is pretty weak, but the best thing about music is that it doesn’t fade away. Those great old songs of classic eras gone by, that each generation grew up with and still hold dear, are still available to us, to pump out of our speakers and into our minds, to fill the void when musical resuscitation is needed.

Fortunately, I grew up in a great era for music. I was also born and raised on the great Rock Music of my parents’ generation. There’s great background music augmenting all of my favorite memories of childhood and adolescence. Here are some of the albums that made a lasting impact on my life:

25. Billy Joel “The Stranger”/The Beatles “Abby Road”
The first 2 “adult” albums I owned on vinyl. Before them, I had quite a collection of Sesame Street albums, and a bunch of 45’s of Early 80’s hits, but these 2 epic albums were my first foray into adult LPs. No, I wasn’t alive for one’s release, and was in diapers for the other, but music doesn’t have to be current to be appreciated. The word “classic” exists for a reason, and these 2 albums help to show why.

24. Billy Joel “An Innocent Man”
Again, this is a historical pick, representing a milestone in my personal musical enjoyment. “An Innocent Man” was the very first cassette tape I ever owned (soon to be followed by Van Halen’s 1984). Cassettes were the new medium, and Walkmans were all the rage. I chose to fill mine with this great storybook album, in which all the songs seem to fit together into the greater scheme of a story, inviting us to fill in the blanks in between, connecting the very enjoyable songs.

23. “Singles” Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
One of the many examples in the 1990’s of a soundtrack being better than the movie, the Singles Soundtrack stood out in refreshing brilliance. It introduced the rest of the world to many of the Pacific Northwest’s hidden jewels, such as Chris Cornell (with and without Soundgarden), Mudhoney, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, and Screaming Trees, plus Midwesterners Smashing Pumpkins, while treating us to an all-time great in Jimi Hendrix. The film is boring to say the least, but the soundtrack greatly improved the musical landscape, and hinted at brighter things on the horizon.

22. Nirvana “Nevermind”
Because of when I was in high school, you knew this had to be on here. As clichéd as citing this album may be, its impact on the pop culture and Rock Music scene of the 90’s and beyond can’t be denied. Nirvana didn’t invent “Alternative” Rock, or even the Seattle Grunge sound. What they did was perfect both for one brief moment, long enough to break into mainstream America’s consciousness, and pave the way for the bands that would follow, and even some which came before them. Nirvana took the music world by storm, kicked it in the butt, sprayed graffiti on it, and put it back where they found it, forever changed, never able to go back to what it had been. Even though their follow up efforts were greatly inferior, “Nevermind” is the album that made Rock Music cool again.

21. “The Crow” Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
An exception to the rule in the 90’s, since the soundtrack and the film were both good, the album mirrored the dark tones of the movie quite well. Most of the featured bands had been around for a while, but weren’t really on the mainstream public’s radar. Most people may still not be overly familiar with some of these bands, but I guarantee they recognize the songs that were in the film.

20. They Might Be Giants “Flood”
Was any other album ever so much fun? Full of catchy, quirky songs that force you to sing along, and demand you get up and dance, TMBG made a big impact on “Alternative” Rock with this great album. They were welcome comic relief to the sappiness dominating Hair Rock, and the intense subject matter of its replacement, Grunge. This album caught them at their campy finest.

19. Smashing Pumpkins “Siamese Dream”
“Siamese Dream” is a very beautiful sonic assault on the eardrums and the music world. Billy Corgan and crew may be better known for their later Pop songs, imaginative videos, and internal strife, but “Siamese Dream” is one of the most magnificent Rock masterpieces of all time. Never before have I felt so serene while something bashed in my skull.

18. Pink Floyd “The Wall”/”Dark Side of the Moon”
Is there anyone with a pulse who wasn’t influenced by these 2 epic masterpieces from this brilliant band? Again, like with “An Innocent Man”, the songs on these concept albums fit together into epic sagas that would be missed by casually listening to only the separate singles. These albums tickle our ears with great music, while exercising our minds with their complex themes. Never again could listening to music be casual or passive.

17. Misfits “Collection”
This is a great compilation of some of the best songs from one of the most enjoyable bands of all time. This album is filled with fun sing-along songs such as “Die, Die My Darling”, “Skulls”, “Mommy Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight”, and “Teenagers From Mars”. Danzig, Jerry Only, and crew took the genres of Punk and Metal, melded them with a love for Sci-Fi/Horror B-Movies, and created a sound all their own. Themes of anger, not fitting in, and non-conformity struck a chord with those of us dealing with the same, while lightening the mood of those same subjects with dark humor. This collection brought together the highlights that are hard not to love.

16. Concrete Blonde “Bloodletting”
A great Goth album with vampiric overtones, at a time when the works of Anne Rice and the new version of “Dark Shadows” made vampire pop culture much cooler than today’s “Twilight” nonsense. Brilliantly dark songs like “The Best”, “The Darkening of the Light”, “The Sky is a Poisonous Garden”, and “Tomorrow Wendy” flanked the singles “Joey” and “Caroline”, which both brilliantly expressed themes of loss, confusion, and unrequited love. Unfortunately, Concrete Blonde’s follow up efforts paled in comparison, but “Bloodletting” remains a favorite of early 90’s Alternative Rock and Goth fans to this day.

15. Dead Kennedys “Give Me Convenience or Give me Death”
80’s Punk greats Dead Kennedys were always political, always controversial, and always a lot of fun. Jello Biafra’s whiney voice sang out lines we love to sing along, but not in front of our parents. This compilation is filled with classics such as “California Uber Alles”, “Holiday in Cambodia”, “Police Truck”, “Night of the Living Rednecks”, and the legendary, only once performed “Pull My Strings”. This collection of their best public-shocking songs proves the clichéd ad slogan, “There’s always room for Jello.” Stop fighting with each other and reunite already!

14. New Order “Substance”
Following Ian Curtis’ poorly-timed suicide, the remaining 3 members of Joy Division regrouped, refocused, and reinvented themselves as New Order. 80’s New Wave’s best Electro Pop group treated us to such gems as “True Faith”, “Bizarre Love Triangle”, “Blue Monday”, “Procession”, and many other early singles, which were collected on 1987’s “Substance”. A friend and fellow fan gave me this double cassette set, and I enjoyed it greatly (although I think he stole it from someone else).

13. Husker Du “Warehouse Songs & Stories”/“New Day Rising”
Husker Du had the intensity of Punk, mixed with the ability to write gorgeous Pop songs, with a bitter rivalry thrown in for good measure. Bob Mould and Grant Hart pushed each other to greatness by trying desperately to outdo each other. Many of these songs are all-time classics, that were somehow overlooked by most music fans. Had Husker Du survived into the 90’s, they would have become “Alternative” Rock superstars, but alas, only the good die young.

12. INXS “Kick”
This great album produced so many memorable singles, yet some of its greatest treasures are hidden amongst them. It’s impossible to hear one of these classic songs without expecting the next album track to immediately follow it.
Another major impact this album had on my adolescence was when The Young Studs performed our inspired rendition of “Never Tear Us Apart”, to the delight of many young ladies at Caesar’s Brookedale’s talent show. We won. Was there ever any doubt?

11. Nine Inch Nails “Pretty Hate Machine”
In a year dominated by Rap music, underground Industrial one-man band Nine Inch Nails provided much appreciated relief with this unbeatable album. “Pretty Hate Machine” is filled with well-written, well-performed songs, that flow into each other perfectly from beginning to end, the highlight of which being side one’s last track, the orgasmic “Something I Can Never Have”.
One key personal memory involving this album was at my graduating class’s all night party. Two friends and I kept bugging the DJ all night to play “Head Like A Hole”, until he finally relented (just to shut us up). The 3 of us had a great time dancing to it, while everyone else sat around asking each other “What in the world is that?”

10. Depeche Mode “Violator”
English Electro Pop band Depeche Mode had been around for a long time, and had released many great songs by 1990, but “Violator” was by far their pinnacle. It was their musical coming out party, and it was darn near perfect. The gorgeous “Enjoy The Silence” and the beat-driven “Personal Jesus” were deservedly big hits, but songs like “Halo”, “World In My Eyes”, “Policy of Truth”, and “Sweetest Perfection” were equally spectacular. Enjoy the Depeche Mode of the 80’s and the Depeche Mode of today, but make sure you listen to “Violator”, the band’s greatest moment preserved forever.

9. Sonic Youth “Dirty”
Noise Rock/Feedback Rock pioneers Sonic Youth blessed the music world with their earlier masterpieces, such as “Daydream Nation”, but 1992’s “Dirty” was the album that dominated the my late teen years. I even had a hard to find poster of the album cover on my closet door. I really feel bad for the many people who never discovered this underrated album by this underrated band. “Chapel Hill”, “Sugar Cane”, “Youth Against Fascism”, “JC”, “100%”, these are some of the greatest Rock songs of all time, and you need to hear them. Trust me, your ears will thank you, once they get used to the feedback.

8. Violent Femmes “Self-titled”
My friends and I always had a great time bopping along to the infectious songs of this delightful album, while cruising around in my friend Scott’s car. We also shocked a lot of pop culturally brainwashed people by playing Femmes songs at the one high school and one college dance that my dad and I DJed. How can an album that’s so much fun be so controversial? America needs to stop taking itself so seriously.

7. The Clash “The Story of the Clash”
I grew up in the “Combat Rock” era, but The Clash’s greatest hits album introduced me to their wonderful older material as well. Along with the Ramones and the Sex Pistols, the Clash helped to forever change the world’s musical landscape with songs including “Should I Stay or Should I Go”, “The Guns of Brixton”, “This is Radio Clash”, “Career Opportunities”, and of course “London Calling”. This double cassette was one of my favorites in my massive tape collection, and easily influenced my future musical interests.

6. Social Distortion “Self-titled”
The moment I first heard “Ball and Chain” on the before-its-time Sunday Morning Alternative Show, I fell in love with the unadulterated, Rock N’ Roll the way it was meant to be done, music of Mike Ness and Social Distortion. The Country Rock undertones and old-school guitar riffs added a great Americana feel to this Punk album. Throw in a bold cover of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire”, amid great story songs like “She’s a Knockout”, “So Far Away”, “Sick Boys”, and “Story of My Life”, and you have one of the best albums of all time to rock out to for an extremely enjoyable listening experience.

5. The Doors “Greatest Hits”
What can be said about The Lizard King that hasn’t already been beaten to death? The Doors brief career, which realistically ended with Jim Morrison’s death, left the world with many songs that are hard not to love. Morrison’s poetic lyrics, addicting persona, and haunting voice made a huge impact on my writing, singing, and musical tastes, and my life in general. Was he a great role model on how to live life? No. But as a vocalist and frontman he’s only rivaled by Sinatra, and as a lyricist he’s second to none. Crooning along to this collection wore out my voice many a nights.

4. The Ramones “Mania”
The real history of Rock music began in the mid 70’s with the Ramones. The Beatles and Stones are often cited as the greatest bands of all time, but no band has had more influence on the Rock genre than the leather and jeans clad foursome from NYC. They put Punk Rock, Modern Rock, fast and furious music, and the New York Scene all on the map with a fury. This collection containing some of their all-time best work certainly hit the spot for me, and for anyone looking for great songs to stir up the heart and get the blood flowing. In an imperfect world, the Ramones took up the banner of imperfect people and ran with it, letting us all know that it was ok to be ourselves again. This album is a great place to start for anyone searching for good music done right.

3. Dead Milkmen “Beelzebubba”
Presenting Philly’s finest at their finest, I don’t know of any other album that has so many classic songs with so many classic lyrics. Creativity and dark humor are at their very best in songs like “Stuart”, “I Walk The Thinnest Line”, “Ringo Buys A Rifle”, “RC’s Mom”, and the all-time classic “Punk Rock Girl”, despite its mistaking of the Mammas and the Pappas for the Beach Boys. Minnie Pearl trumps all, I suppose. If you’ve never heard this album, do yourself a favor, and treat your ears and your sense of humor to this much needed enema.

2. “Pump Up The Volume” Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Here’s a rare occurrence where one of the greatest films of all time also produced one of the greatest soundtracks of all time. The movie was filled with great, obscure tunes, some in the background, others played on Happy Harry’s pirate radio show. The soundtrack offers us a well-chosen, yet small sampling of them. Some highlights include the slowed-down “UK Surf” version of the Pixies “Wave of Mutilation”, Henry Rollins and Bad Brains combining to cover MC5’s “Kick Out The Jams”, Concrete Blonde’s rendition of Leonard Cohen’s “Everybody Knows”, Peter Murphy, Soundgarden, Sonic Youth, the list goes on and on. This film and its soundtrack were hugely influential in my life, and helped mold me into the person I now am proud to be.

1. The Cure “Disintegration”
“Disintegration” has the greatest production value ever of albums Alan Parsons didn’t have his hands into. This album is dynamic from beginning to end, with no weak spots at all. It was my introduction to the Cure, and the album that made me fall in love with “Alternative” Rock in general. The signature single, “Love Song”, is so good that I’m dancing to it at my upcoming wedding. It expresses love in that self-conscious, afraid to dare expose yourself to happiness, “you make me better than I am” kind of way that only Robert Smith can convey. Songs like “Lullaby”, “Pictures of You”, and “Fascination Street” keep the legendary Cure gloom and doom alive and well, as the master rarely strays from the art he perfected. This album truly changed my life musically, and was the catalyst to the life I would lead from then on, from a pop culture standpoint anyway.


Honorable Mention:
Agent Orange “This is the Voice”
Bad Religion “Recipe For Hate”
Barenaked Ladies “Maybe You Should Drive”
Black Flag “Damaged”
Circle Jerks “Golden Shower of Hits”
The Cure “Standing on a Beach”
Descendants “Milo Goes to College”
Dinosaur Jr. “Green Mind”
Frank Sinatra “80th: All The Best”
Guns N’ Roses “Appetite For Destruction”
KMFDM “Angst”
Less Than Jake “Losing Streak”
Metallica “And Justice For All”
Ministry “Psalm 69”
P.I.L. “Greatest Hits”
Pixies “Doolittle”
Poison “Open Up & Say Ahhh”
Radiohead “Pablo Honey”
Rev. Horton Heat “The Full-Custom Gospel Sounds of”
Sex Pistols “Never Mind The Bollocks, Here’s The Sex Pistols”
The Smiths “Meat is Murder”
Teenage Fanclub “Bandwagonesque”
U2 “War”
The Vandals “Hitler Bad, Vandals Good”
Weezer “Self-Titled” (aka “The Blue Album”)

“Why Star Wars Is Great”

If this is a Pop Culture Blog, then I need to recognize Star Wars as one of the greatest pieces of Pop Culture History ever, and definitely the most significant in my lifetime.

Now don’t misunderstand me, when I say Star Wars, I mean the original three-film trilogy that I grew up with. I am not including the “Special Editions” with “additional footage” that George Lucas released to cash in on the original trilogy’s continued popularity. He took some footage off the cutting room floor, slapped it in, and marketed it to the college-age Gen Xers, who had been children during the films’ original theatrical runs.
Nor am I talking about the CGI-driven, profit-seeking prequel trilogy. The prequels have some great moments, but not their own moments, just nostalgia moments for those of us who love the original trilogy and its characters.
And when I speak of “The Trilogy”, I am certainly not talking about the Lord of the Rings films, which are ok, but not great at all, unless you like documentaries about walking long distances. The original Star Wars Trilogy is a brilliant slice of Pop Culture History, which needs to be cherished as such by all generations.

I will start off by telling you that I am not a “Fanboy”, but a fan. I can’t tell you what planet Grand Moff Tarkin is from, or who played the Gamorrean Guards. But I have always been a big fan of the films and their characters, having grown up in the wonderful 1980’s, the best time in history to be a kid. We had the best toys, the best cartoons, and the best movies.

Now, let’s get to the reasons Star Wars is great…

1. Sci-Fi Impact
Star Wars made the Space Genre, and Sci-Fi in general, cool again for the first time since Star Trek.
I’ve never understood the rivalry between fans of the two most influential Sci-Fi creations of all time. If you’re a true fan of Sci-Fi, and/or the Space Genre, how can you not love both?
The fact that both are still popular today, and both series continue to release new content in one form or another speaks to their cultural impact. And add in the countless Sci-Fi films and TV shows that were inspired by them, or at very least influenced by them, and definitely were made possible by their popularity, and you see where I’m going with this.
Is there anyone living in a modernized part of the world today, who hasn’t heard of Star Wars, and wouldn’t recognize it’s major characters? I doubt it.

2. Great Characters
That brings me to point number two: Star Wars has the best characters of any film in history.
What little boy growing up in the 1980’s didn’t long to be Han Solo? What little girl didn’t try to fix her hair like Princess Leia, and then try to do so again in their college days? Who wasn’t terrified of Darth Vader as a child, and then idolized him as an adolescent and young adult? Who doesn’t admire Boba Fett’s cool and intimidating presence, despite barely saying a word? Who doesn’t appreciate the Laurel & Hardy, Abbot & Costello, straight man/foil, comic relief of the droids, R2D2 and 3CPO? They were HILARIOUS! And you just know R2 is cussing 3PO out 90% of the time, in whatever curse words droids use!

And we got to see the growth of the main characters throughout the trilogy, as we grew up ourselves. We see Luke’s progression from an annoying, nerdy farmboy, mourning the loss of his family and his mentor, to become an annoying and nerdy, yet very powerful Jedi Master, saving the world in the process. We witness Han’s progression from a selfish criminal, to a galactic hero with love in his heart. We watch Leia grow from a demanding, spoiled brat princess, to a levelheaded leader, who leads by example, and a great encourager to those around her. We’re engrossed as we watch Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker transform from a brutal, machine-like tyrant, to a loving father and a last minute hero, with flashes of the humanity within him peeking out along the way. We see Yoda progress from a strange thief with mixed up grammar, to a brilliant master, imparting to us such brilliant philosophies as, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

And these films make you care about the wellbeing of their characters. You have to care about them, because you grew up with them. You worry when they are in danger. You feel for them when they are sad. You cheer with them when they are victorious.

And what’s cooler than a Wookie? Nothing!

3. The Subtle Messages Within
When we watched these films as kids, to us, it was all about The Rebel Alliance vs. The Empire, but that wasn’t the only battle being portrayed within.
It was also a metaphor for Good vs. Evil, Right from Wrong.
Being released at the height of the Cold War, it was also an Anti-Communism, Anti-Imperialism statement.
It also mirrors Christianity, with the battle of good vs. evil, the false savior coming first and taking over the world, and then being defeated by the true savior, who uses an unseen force within him to defeat evil and darkness once and for all, and make the world a better place.
With the little guys beating the rich and powerful Empire, it’s also a great metaphor for “The Battle of the Underdog”.

4. The Toys!
All of you who grew up in the 80’s will agree with me, there never has been, and never will be, better toys than Kenner’s Star Wars line of toys.
Their 3.75” plastic action figures, complete with detachable weapons and accessories, became the industry standard that all future toy lines strove to replicate. GI Joe toys in the 80’s may have been more intricate, but they own it all to the popularity and way-paving of Star Wars toys.

5. Still A Factor
Even now, decades later, as the original fans begin to show signs of aging, Star Wars is still relevant in today’s Popular Culture. The original fans are still as passionate as ever, and new generations of fans are born every day.

The original Star Wars Trilogy is still great, and always will be. Its impact is here to stay.

©2010 Denim McDemus

Top 13 Worst Songs of All Time

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've been out of commission with illness for quite a long time.
So, without further adieu, here's this week's Top 13 List:

"The Top 13 Worst Songs of All Time"

13. "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell or Counting Crows or ANYONE!
A just plain annoying song! Being campy, cutsie, and causey all make this song HORRENDOUS! Poorly written, and poorly delivered in every version I’ve been unfortunate enough to hear.

12. "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus
You knew it would be on here at some point. I had the unfortunate luck of hearing this song live when I worked at the TV station. Even for $11 an hour, it still wasn't worth it to have to endure the 3:40 of hell that is "Achy Breaky Heart".

11. " Lemon" by U2
What the heck was that crap? 100% unlistenable!

10. "Baby's Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot
A lot of people are humored by this song. Coincidentally, a lot of people have a 12 year old maturity level. This song is asinine at best (no pun intended). Very annoying. If you were alive during it's heyday, you know how often it was played EVERYWHERE, which is highly inappropriate when you think of the content. What a stupid song!

9. "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia
Idk why this song was popular. It annoyed the crap out of me. Terrible song, terrible lyrics, and she has the most emotionless singing voice I've ever heard. Her inflection never changes! Apparently she’s not really all that “torn”.

8. "Hip Hop Hooray" by Naughty By Nature
This song is nonsensical, lame, and utterly annoying. I'm down with OPP as much as the next guy, but they should have left it at that. This song stinks! They just keep saying "Hey ho, hey ho, hey ho, hey ho" about 27,000 times. What does that mean? Are they calling for a deaf hooker, or are they just TRYING to be annoying as hell? You be the judge...

7. “Womanizer” by Britney Spears
When I first heard this song (in a music store no less!), the only thought that dominated my mind was, “What the heck is that crap?” It’s bad even for Britney. She can’t sing, at all, and she ruined music, because every girl younger than her grew up trying to sound just like her!

6. "Unforgettable" by Natalie Cole
Who the heck does this chick this she is? Making her brilliant dad sing BACKGROUND, to HER crappy vocals, on HIS signature song? Does ego know no bounds? I'm sorry sister, but you can't even hold a candle to your old man!

5. “Clumsy” by Fergie
The annoying beat, her annoying voice, the terrible lyrics, and the extremely nerve-racking “girl can’t help it” and whatever unintelligible words she yells back parts make this song one of the worst ever. And let’s not forget how annoying the “I don’t stay single long” ego trip speech is. This song almost makes me pull out my own eardrums.

4. “LoveGame” by Lady GaGa
Sigh. What can I say about Lady GaGa? Every one of her songs I hear belongs on this list, but this is the worst of them. The terribly asinine and perverted lyrics, the annoying beat, her robotic voice, the line “I wanna take a ride on your disco stick”, I’m not sure what is the worst part. It’s VERY hard to believe there are 3 worse songs than this!

3. "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
WOW! Does it get much worse than this? Unfortunately and amazingly yes, since this is only at number 3. She just goes on and on with this sappy crappy utter garbage! She makes 4 ½ minutes seem like a lifetime! Did you ever eat an ENTIRE bag of Sour Patch Kids? Too much sugar? Yeah, exactly! I get the same effect from hearing this "song". If it was JUST sappy, maybe I'd just ignore it, but this song is SO BAD it's literally sickening! Whitney, I vomit on your song. Maybe Bobby can beat the crappiness out of you?

2. "Don't Stop The Music" by Rihanna
This song is SO HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, and ANNOYING that every copy of it should be smashed, melted, and jettisoned into space, so it's NEVER played again! If you have it on your computer, I'm going to break into your house, smash your hard drive, and sell the pieces on E-Bay as garbage barge cargo.
She just KEEPS saying, "please don't stop the music" OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, and I so desperately WANT the music to stop! It made me actually want to smash the radio the 1000 times a day it came on during its recent heyday. This may well be the worst song of all time, and if I hear it even one more time, it will probably move into the number 1 spot. Most of her other songs belong on this list too.

1. "Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless)" by Crystal Waters
This TERRIBLY ANNOYING "song" has been the number one worst for about 17 years! All other crappy songs (with the exception of " Don't Stop The Music") pale in comparison. If she was aiming for crappiness, she succeeded in abundance. Her voice is HORRIBLE, the lyrics are TERRIBLE, and it's SO ANNOYING! I HATE IT! She just keeps saying "lada di lada da lada di lada da" over and over! It annoys the heck out of me! It's supposed to be a "socially conscious" song, but after about the 800th "Lada di lada da", I could care less if she's homeless or not! Worst song ever (but "Don't Stop The Music" is creeping up, and threatening Crystal's 17 year reign).

So yeah, that's my list. Hope you enjoyed the ranting.
If you have any suggestions, please post them as blog comments. I'm open to suggestions. I'm sure there's quite a few worthy songs I forgot.
Close to making the list were the crappy slow remake of The Cure's "Boys Don't Cry" by idk who, and the crappy white boy reggae remake 311 did of The Cure's "Love Song". If you're gonna remake a Cure song, at least do it well. Do it the same way they did it, to pay homage to them. Don't change the style of the song, because you can't improve on perfection! That's like scribbling in a coloring book, and saying it's better than Rembrandt.

Honorable Mention:
“Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In” by The Fifth Dimension
“Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis
“Faith in Nothing” by Eve 6
“Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani
“Jive Talkin” by Bee Gees
“Le Freak” by Chic
“Love In This Club” by Usher
“Love Song” by 311
“Poker Face” by Lady GaGa
“Rico Suave” by Gerardo
“Whoomp There It Is” by Tag Team
“With You” by Chris Brown

©2010 Denim McDemus

“Top 13 Pop Culture Heroes on TV”

I don’t mean “heroes” as in they were the bravest and the best. I mean “heroes” of Pop Culture, in the sense that you actually cheered when they came on screen.

Most of them aren’t the main characters of their shows, but were very popular supporting characters that really added to the entertainment value of their programs. A few of them are main characters that really carried their show.

Some of them are quirky, some are funny, some are cool, and some are just plain weird. Some of them are bad guys you just had to cheer for. All of them stand out as Pop Culture Heroes!

13. Q (Star Trek The Next Generation)

12. Glen Quagmire (Family Guy)

11. Carl Brutananadilewski (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

10. Norm Peterson (Cheers)

9. Evelyn William “Bill” McNeal (NewsRadio)

8. “The Man From Another Place” (Twin Peaks)

7. George Jefferson (The Jeffersons)

6. Lenny Kosnowski and Andrew “Squiggy” Squigman (Lavern and Shirley)

5. Cosmo Kramer (Seinfeld)

4. Fred Sanford (Sanford and Son)

3. Archie Bunker (All In The Family)

2. Arthur “Fonzi” Fonzarelli (Happy Days)

1. Al Bundy (Married With Children)

Honorable Mention:
Bosco Albert “BA” Baracus/H.M. “Howling Mad” Mudock (A-Team)
Dr. Johnny Fever (WKRP in Cincinnati)
Dwayne Schneider (One Day at a Time)
Eddie Haskell (Leave it to Beaver)
Frederick “Rerun” Stubbs (What’s Happening!!)
Major Roger Healey (I Dream of Jeanie)
Margaret “The Log Lady” Lanterman (Twin Peaks)
Monroe Ficus (Too Close For Comfort)
Montgomery “Scotty” Scott (Star Trek)
Sophia Petrillo (Golden Girls)
Tattoo (Fantasy Island)
Ted Baxter (The Mary Tyler Moore Show)

©2010 Denim McDemus

"Twisted Snacks"

Well, it’s Memorial Day, and most Americans are munching down ridiculous quantities of hotdogs. This over-practiced part of American Culture begs the question, why in the world is a meat product made from various left over scraps of beef and/or pork called a hotdog? How can we shamelessly eat something named after “man’s best friend”, who’s probably sitting at our feet while we eat it, waiting to be thrown the last piece of “hotDOG”? We are sick enough to feed a hotdog to a hot dog! It’s not made of canine meat (at least I hope it’s not), so why call it that? And yet we go through this ritual every “picnic holiday”, not noticing the disgusting undertones.

I was looking at a box of animal crackers the other day, and I noticed something odd for the first time:
You're eating cookies that are shaped like animals. Not shaped like meat, but the actual animals. That's weird. And to make it even weirder and more sadistic, the box is filled with drawings of realistic looking animals of the ones you're about to eat shapes of. And they look quite happy, possibly not realizing their impending fate…
This is very dark, twisted, sadistic, and morbid when you really think about it. Who came up with such a thing?

How about Goldfish crackers? "The snack that smiles back", how twisted is that!
They even go to the length of carving little smiles on each cracker, so they can smile all the way to their death in your digestive system!
And now they even have a bio on the back of the package for one of the fish you're about to devour! So now you even know his/her name as you take him out of existence. Twisted I tell you! Twisted!

Anyway everybody, have a nice Memorial Day, and be safe.

©2010 Denim McDemus

“Top 13 Quirky TV Shows”

I chose these shows based on quirkiness, weirdness, and oddness. These shows stand out as different from the usual network fodder. Because of their kitschy humor, mainstream audiences were hard to attract. Most of these shows had short runs, despite their brilliant content. Gilmore Girls and X-Files had long runs, but on second tier networks, and due to hardcore support from demographic specific die-hard fans, not mass appeal. Seinfeld’s eventual mass popularity and ratings success kept it from being the cult classic it should have been, and therefore relegated it to the honorable mention list.
I did not include cartoons or kids shows, which are usually quirky by nature. I did not include variety shows like The Tracy Ullman Show, or late night talk shows like Conan O’Brien.
I opened it up to US shows and the BBC, because the British do quirky so much better than we do.

13. Gilmore Girls- Yes, it can be “girly” at times, but it’s definitely quirky. Based in an odd small town, full of odd and quirky characters, quirky dialog, and unusual events.

12. Dark Shadows- Both the campy melodramatic 1966 original and the darker 1991 revival were great programs. A gothic soap opera revolving around vampire Barnabas Collins wet the taste buds of two generations of fans looking for a break from mainstream television.

11. Herman’s Head- Hilarious early Fox program featuring four aspects of the main character’s psyche battling it out inside his mind over every decision he needed to make. Great concept, and well done, even though most people didn’t appreciate it.

10. Red Dwarf- Hilarious and kitschy BBC show about a dysfunctional group of survivors stuck alone together on a ship in deep space. The slacker human, ornery hologram, silly humanoid cat, android, and their computer get into many quirky misadventures.

9. Addams Family- An all time classic full of quirky fun. Certainly not your typical 1960’s sitcom family by far. The wacky antics of Gomez, Morticia, Uncle Fester, and the rest of the family never fail to tickle the funny bone, as they are oblivious to how different they really are.

8. Twilight Zone- The weirdest show ever, this all time classic had so many great moments of fear, dread, and wonderment. It gives you nightmares, it gives you chills, but yet you’re compelled to come back for more.

7. The Musters- Just like the Addams Family, The Munsters offered a culture shock polar opposite to the Cleaveresque sitcom families of the 1960’s. Both shows were great, but The Munsters kicked the kitschy quirky humor up a notch higher. Grandpa and Herman are a kooky quirky comedic team that’s hard to beat.

6. Picket Fences- The closest “quirky small town with weird residents” program to Twin Peaks I’ve seen yet. Bizarre happenings and a great cast made the show great, but the weirdness left most of America scratching their heads.

5. Are You Being Served?- The greatest Britcom of all time, focusing on the hilarious antics of the quirky employees of Grace Brothers department store. Brilliant writing, and dead on performances by the stellar cast made this one of the funniest programs ever. The odd characters really made this show stand out as a quirky gem.

4. X-Files- Certainly one of the weirdest shows in television history, the X-Files was never afraid to delve into the strange and the unknown. The very topics investigated alone make this show rank high on this list. Add in the brilliant performances and the quirky characters, and you’ve got a great alternative to 1990’s network drivel.

3. Monty Pythons Flying Circus- Often imitated, but never equaled. The only sketch comedy show to make the list. All the others, SNL included, had their high points and their low points, but Monty Python never failed to deliver both highbrow and lowbrow comedy simultaneously. If a sketch wasn’t funny to you, you probably didn’t “get” it.

2. Arrested Development- The most intelligent comedy program of all time, AD continued to push the envelope of quirky fun. Unfortunately, most people didn’t “get” the dry humor, and the running gags were lost on casual viewers. Add in pathetically absent promotion by Fox, and this gem only lasted 2 ½ seasons, just like the only show that was able to rank higher than it on this list…

1. Twin Peaks- David Lynch’s television masterpiece is simply the best ever. No show in the history of television ever was, or ever will be weirder, quirkier, or more brilliant than this story of an odd small town with a lot of secrets, some supernatural, some soap operaesque, it’s unusual residents, and the strange FBI agent who comes to town. Giants, dancing midgets, a talking log, a transvestite special agent (who went on to star in #4), and lots and lots of coffee, doughnuts, and pie trademarked Twin Peaks as the Greatest Quirky TV Show of All Time.

Honorable Mention:
American Gothic
Black Adder
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Dream on
Doctor Who
Eureka
Get a Life
It’s Garry Shandling’s Show
Mama’s Family
Outer Limits
Seinfeld
Small Wonder

©2010 Denim McDemus

“What’s So Great About Sliced Bread?”

We've all heard the clichéd saying "The greatest thing since sliced bread" at least a million times about various subjects, some serious, some facetious, unless of course you "live under a rock", thus hypocritically adding yet another clichéd saying into the mix...

I am here to argue the validity of this saying. Why do we use "sliced bread" as the example of the end all be all miracle product, by which all other potentially great products are judged?

And even better, why do we further denigrate the products we are referencing, by saying they are "the greatest thing SINCE sliced bread", thus labeling them as inferior to said sliced bread, as if they can't quite measure up to the high bar set by the "inventor" of sliced bread (whatever idiot had a knife in his hands, some serious time to kill, and nothing better to do than to mar a baked good)?

I'm sure you've each carelessly said this ageless cliché many times, without even thinking about it, as it is an inane part of our language and culture (which says very little for both).

I ask you now to fully examine the context of this saying, and really delve into its bold, yet relatively innocuous meaning. Do you really mean what you're saying, when you label some random item as "the greatest thing since sliced bread"? I present the argumentative question for you to ponder: What's so great about sliced bread?

First of all, almost everyone loves "restaurant bread". We go to a fine dining establishment, and we enjoy the loaf of "homemade" bread they bring to our table, to munch on with or before our fancy but over-priced meal. We sit there and carve out thick slices for each of us, and then fight over who gets the inevitable extra slice. We crave this fine loaf of bread. Our mouths water for it as we wait in line to be
seated, and as we sit at our table waiting for it to be served. I beg to offer the notion that at times we even anticipate the arrival of said bread more so than the impending entree. My point being, this delicious "homemade" loaf of bread we covet, desire, yen, long for, drool over, fight over is NOT pre-sliced. It comes with an obscenely large knife, and we cut it ourselves before consuming it. The bread would seem less fancy, less fresh, and dare I say less appetizing if it was brought to us in a sliced condition.

Secondly, in this fast-food, microwave, dual-income household society, anyone fortunate enough to know someone who still bakes their own fresh homemade bread will certainly agree that the result of the baker's efforts is far superior to any pre-sliced bread you can buy, even in the finest of grocery emporiums. Who would prefer a loaf of plastic encased, twist tie bound, pre-sliced, name brand bread over fresh homemade bread? I venture to guess no one. The only drawback of the homemade bread is, you guessed it, we have to slice it ourselves. I think we'll certainly sacrifice the few seconds it takes to grab a knife and slice the bread, in exchange for the delicious taste we can't enjoy with pre-sliced bread.

Third, there is the factor of freshness. We go out and spend our hard-earned money on overpriced sliced bread at an inconvenient, overcrowded supermarket, not to mention wasting gas to drive there. We take it home, and what happens? Within a few days, this supposed miracle product gets stale, hard, and eventually moldy! And this is supposed to be the greatest invention ever?
I counter with the fact that unsliced bread will last longer. When you slice open a loaf of bread, you eliminate the protection of the outer crust casing, therefore exposing the inner bread to the air and elements, not to mention lurking molds and pesky insects. Sure, the outside of unsliced bread will eventually become hard as a
rock, but the insides may be salvageable, and soft enough to eat without necessitating dental work. At very least, you have a valuable weapon that could be used in defense of your life. Try throwing sliced bread at someone's head, and you will have to hope you can run away before they stop laughing.

So, in conclusion, I feel very strongly that the phrase "the greatest thing since sliced bread", when used to imply that something is a great product, while still asserting that sliced bread is a superior product, is both erroneous and ludicrous. Sliced bread is not all it's hyped up to be. I suspect some bread maker propaganda is at work here...and I pray you will break the brainwashed hold they have over your mind and vocabulary.
I hope I have proven the point that most people greatly prefer unsliced
bread, thus making pre-sliced bread an inferior product. I could list tons of products that are better than sliced bread, such as bikinis, iPods, cheese, and Spongebob among others.
What's so great about sliced bread? Not much at all...

©2010 Denim McDemus

“You Know You Love Music If…”

You stay a little longer in your roasting hot car on a hot summer’s day, or freezing your butt off in the dead of winter, just so you can hear the end of a great song, even though you’ve already heard it a million times before, possibly even recently, and you have the same song available to listen to in several different analog and digital formats inside the comfort of your home.

You swallow your pride and pay $20 at FYE to buy the much anticipated new CD by one of your favorite bands, just to get it the first day it comes out, because FYE is closer to your house than Best Buy, and Walmart probably wouldn’t have had it. Buying it online and waiting until it was shipped to you would be unacceptable in such cases.

You’ve sat through terrible opening bands, such as The Boxing Gandhis, Vic Chestnut, or the Screaming Cheetah Wheelies just to hear a band you love, who fortunately came to your town, but unfortunately has bad taste in opening acts. Perhaps they had struggling artists forced upon them by their record label.

You’ve suffered through pop radio friendly headlining acts, just because the lesser known, and much more musically respectable bands you love, that everyone else hasn’t heard of yet, were surprisingly added as the opening acts. This explains why I once attended a Sheryl Crow concert...

You’ve bought your favorite albums on CD and mp3, even though you already own them on cassette tape and vinyl (and if the album has been around long enough, maybe even 8-track!). And when the money-hungry, integrity-free record company, who has inevitably inherited the rights to the album, releases a new “Re-mastered Special Edition” version, containing one arbitrary B-side or live track, you’ll go out and shell out the afore mentioned $20 just to add another copy of the album to your collection.

You’ve ever driven 14 hours in sweltering summer heat, in a ratty old car without air conditioning, and lived in a leaky, smelly tent for two weeks, without showers or any modern conveniences, with a friend who forgot to pack deodorant, and chose to eat bean-filled chili for every meal, just to enjoy a crowded concert festival featuring several bands you love, despite facing certain dehydration, probable sunstroke, and possible crushing in the process.

You’ve ever swallowed your pride and sacrificed precious hours of sleep, just in the off chance that MTV will air the one Dead Milkmen video they have somewhere around 2:00am, when they assume no one is watching.

You ever bought the soundtrack to a movie you’ve never seen, never intend to see, and may not even have any interest whatsoever in seeing, because they recruited great bands for the CD.

You spent a good amount of your adolescence memorizing every single band member listed in the liner notes of every cassette tape and CD you bought, not to mention every band they thanked for helping them along the way, that is, when you weren’t falling off of the rusty old metal folding chair you were standing on, just so you could see yourself rocking out on your air guitar, or your invisible microphone in your bureau’s mirror.

You know you love music if you’ve ever done any of these things. You know you truly love music if you’ve done them all.

© 2010 Denim McDemus

"Top 13 Adult-oriented Cartoons"

This list only contains animated cartoons that aired as regular series on TV in the US. They are cartoons that either target adult audiences, or have content within their episodes that only mature audiences would “get”. I based the list on creativity, quirkiness, humor, and entertainment value, not commercial success or longevity.

Top 13 Adult-oriented Cartoons
13. The Simpsons- This is the only one receiving consideration for longevity. The early episodes were kind of raw, and the later episodes are desperate for new ideas, but the seasons in the middle were very creative, humorous, and entertaining. Extra points for the line "I bent my wookie!"

12. Ren & Stimpy- Hilarious classic! Ren's great! And how great was the Slinkyesque "Log" jingle!

11. Daria- Most people didn't get the dry humor, but I certainly did! Daria is basically an animated female version me.

10. Space Ghost Coast to Coast/Cartoon Planet- Great reinventing of old cartoon characters. The Brak songs on Cartoon Planet are unbeatable entertainment. These shows are the reason Adult Swim exists.

9. The Tick- One of the most humorous cartoons ever. Hilarious main character, and creative side characters such as American Maid, Sewer Urchin, Bipolar Bear, and The Breadmaster.

8. Dr. Katz- Again, most people missed out on the hilarious dry humor, and were turned off by the slow pace. The exploits of Dr. Katz's slacker son Ben, and the therapy sessions with comedians such as Dom Irrera, Ray Romano, and Dave Attell are classic quirky humor for the mature mind.

7. Duckman- Hilarious, absurd, and very adult-oriented cartoon gem starring Seinfeld alum Jason Alexander, following the always immoral exploits of a Private Eye Duck, his dryly hilarious sidekick Cornfed Pig (brilliantly voiced by Gregg Berger), and Duckman's wacky family. A must see program, but without the kids.

6. Bevis & Butthead- Fire! Fire! One of the naughtiest and funniest adult-oriented cartoons of all time. The plots aren't great, but the segments where they commentate music videos are classic entertainment at it's finest. Extra points for spawning Daria.

5. The Critic- Jon Lovitz at his comedic best since his classic days on Saturday Night Live. One of the world's most underrated comedians delivered a very humorous and entertaining cartoon, with tons of great Pop Culture references, and laugh out loud slacker plots.

4. Family Guy- By far one of the most entertaining and creative cartoon series ever. Great characters, hilarious plots, and a plethora of wonderful Pop Culture references make this show hard to beat.

3. Aqua Teen Hunger Force- How can anyone not love this bizarrly hilarious program, filled with absurdly lovable characters? I guess not everyone "gets" the humor. Meatwad, Shake, Carl, and The Mooninites are some of the most enjoyable characters of all time, and their loony adventures leave me rolling on the floor. Besides, they're #1 in the hood, G.

2. Animaniacs/Pinky & The Brain- Hilarious and very creative cartoons from Warner Brothers.
Animaniacs is basically the hoodlum little brother of Tiny Toons, who pushes the envelope even further. As if the sheer wackiness wasn't enough entertainment, they really tried hard, and succeeded in sneaking a lot of double entendre past the censors. There were silly examples like telling Pablo Picaso, "There's p p on your shirt!", and much more shocking lines like saying to the dictator of Anvilania, "Ok Mr. Tator, or should I call you Dic?"
Pinky and The Brain is flat out brilliant, hilarious entertainment. Very creative, intelligent humor. The many absurd answers Pinky gives to the oft repeated question "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" are some of the most precious gems of all cartoondom.

1. Looney Toons/Merrie Meoldies- Simply the best cartoons ever! These childhood favorites we all grew up on are hilarious to child and adult alike. There were so many double entendres and adult themes presented in the zany antics of slightly insane characters such as Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote, and the rest. These toons featured some of the greatest characters ever created, and some of the best animation and writing of all time. Most modern cartoons were heavily influenced by these very creative and funny classics. No other program has eclipsed their greatness, nor do I think any ever will.

Honorable Mention:
(I'm not thrilled with this list. Please comment your suggestions.)
AEon Flux
Cadillacs & Dinosaurs
Courage the Cowardly Dog
Dave The Barbarian
Ed, Edd, & Eddie
Family Dog
Freakazoid!
Growing Up Creepy
MTV’s Oddities: The Head & The Maxx
Spongebob Squarepants
Tiny Toons
The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack

©2010 Denim McDemus

“Why Avatar is the Worst Movie Ever”

By my own admission, I have never, and will never see James Cameron’s equally overrated and over-marketed film “Titanic”, which I’ve always assumed was the worst film of all time. But I swallowed my pride and rented “Avatar”, to see what all the fuss was about. With the exception of “Gummo”, “Stan Helsing”, and possibly “Titanic”, “Avatar” is the worst film of all time. How can I say it beats out three films I’ve already stated are worse? Because “Avatar” was the most hyped up film of all time, beating out even the equally horrendous “Blair Witch Project”. It also beat out “Titanic” to become the highest domestic grossing film of all time, meaning more people’s minds have been tainted by this utter garbage than from any other film. Let’s look at some of the many criticisms I have of this film:

It has horrendous language for a PG-13 film that the studio knew a lot of kids would want to see. And then there’s the mating scene…

Blatant cruelty to animals that didn’t need to be in the plot at all.

Terrible sound editing. The audio levels of the sound effects and the score are mixed ridiculously loud, while the volume of the dialogue is mixed pathetically low. You have to choose between either suffering through eardrum blasting effects and music in order to hear what the characters are saying, or keep your hearing abilities intact, but struggle to follow the dialogue.

It’s very boring for a film that’s being hailed as “The Greatest Adventure of All Time”. It never became interesting. Some films warrant being extremely long, such as Braveheart, but his film would be boring even if it were trimmed down to 90 minutes. Most of the content of the film could have, and should have ended up as deleted scenes on the DVD’s special features. At no point in time did this film ever catch my interest.

The plot is very predictable and unoriginal. It borrows heavily from “The Cell”, “Dances With Wolves”, “Attack of the Clones”, and even “Braveheart”.

The dialogue is terrible, both spoken and subtitled. Lines like, “His alien smell fills my nose.” and “Outstanding!” really don’t motivate my viewing instincts.

Seeing scantily clad blue people is like having a bad nightmare after eating a jar of pickles just before bed, in which a village of Smurfs were stretched out to become tall and skinny, while their clothes stayed the same size.

Joel Moore, the dorky actor from “Grandma’s Boy” and “Dodgeball” in a role in which we’re supposed to take him seriously as a brilliant scientific mind? He’s a one-dimensional actor. Every character he plays comes across as exactly the same, and serious is not an adjective I would use.

Sam Worthington, the clichéd lead actor hero, is basically a John Cena clone, and that’s not meant as a compliment. He’s quite boring and monotone, even in very emotional scenes. And couldn’t they come up with a better character name than “Jake”?

Sigourney Weaver as the fowl-mouthed lead scientist certainly does not behave like a professional intellectual. Her character might be more believable as a bartender or evil stepmother, but not as the head of the most expensive and impressive technological breakthrough of all time.

With how much each avatar costs, why isn’t there anyway they can track it or see where it is? They have someone in the lab who is controlling each one with their minds, so why can’t they be tracked?

For how much money they spent on making this film, the effects are very unimpressive. If this film had come out 15 years ago, I might have been impressed. At times, I thought I was watching the “Land of the Lost” television series from the 1970’s.

James Cameron once again spent a ridiculous amount of money, delivered a terrible film, successfully marketed it to the sheep that are the general public, and lined his pockets with millions of dollars he did not earn. I hope all that money helps him sleep at night, when he realizes how badly he’s raped the US film industry.

©2010 Denim McDemus