“Top 13 Reasons the Entertainment World is Better Off Without Whitney Houston”

First of all, even I’m not that insensitive. I’m not celebrating her death, just her forced retirement. She was one of the worst and most overrated entertainers of all time, and unfortunately during my lifetime. Her more than a decade long spiral into self-destruction, leading to her early demise is tragic, but that doesn’t make her contributions to the entertainment world any less excruciating.

13. Whitney Houston started “acting” again, in “Sparkle” a soon to be released re-make of a 1976 film. Didn’t “The Bodyguard”, “Waiting To Exhale”, “The Preacher’s Wife” and “Rogers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella” display enough of Whitney’s pathetic acting skills?

12. She also started recording again, reportedly adding two songs to the Sparkle Soundtrack.

11. Prince can live at ease now that Whitney’s no longer stalking him at his LA concerts.

10. California liquor stores will now be fully stocked for other lush entertainers.

9. Houston’s CDs can now be used as commemorative frisbees and coasters, rather than just trap shoot targets.

8. Jon Bon Jovi can now begin his reign as the most annoying singer from New Jersey.

7. Whitney doesn’t have to come up any more ways to name albums after herself. (“Whitney Houston” “Whitney” “Just Whitney”)

6. Her voice is completely gone. She sounds like a soft-spoken troll, or someone with a cold whispering Tommy’s got the Motts. The music world already has one too many Macy Grays.

5. “The Bodyguard” is just plain awful. Like ALL of her other films, it is a remake, so there’s no originality at work at all. Pairing up Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner, two of the least talented celebrities of all time, should be a crime against humanity. But the worst thing about “The Bodyguard” is listed below at #1.

4. Bobby Brown has one less person to beat up and do drugs with.

3. No more failed Whitney Houston comeback tours for audience members to walk out on.

2. “Greatest Love of All”, yet another re-make by the uncreative Whitney Houston, was the second most annoying song of her career, hence the #2 ranking. Like the even worse song listed below, this one seems to drone on and on in sappy, vomit inducing bliss. “The Greatest Love of All” was Houston’s 3rd most successful hit, but definitely her 2nd worst song.

1. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston is the lowest point ever in the history of the music industry. Like most of Whitney’s career “highlights”, it’s a re-make. If you were around in 1992-93, which was the epicenter of “my era”, you know that this horribly annoying, seemingly endless, whiney Whitney song was on the radio nearly non-stop. This was before the days of satellite and streaming radio and iPods. There were few choices for musical entertainment, and most of them overplayed this terrible song for about a year. It’s sappy, crappy, and almost as monotone as Ben Stein. This song is by far my worst memory of my senior year of high school, forever scarring my ears, my musical taste buds, and common decency.

R.I.P. Whitney Houston (1963-2012), a tragic death, but a sigh of relief for people with good taste in music.

©2012 Denim McDemus