About this blog:
I blog on random Pop Culture subjects. I also post Top 13 Lists. I could do a cliched Top 10 like everyone else, but then I'd be just like everyone else.


Showing posts with label Bad music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad music. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

“My Trip Back to 1984”

I’ve always loved music. When I was still forming inside my mother’s womb, I was dancing around at my dad’s band practices. I grew up exposed to the great Rock music of the 60’s and 70’s pumping out of my parent’s stereo, mostly from records and 8-track tapes. I was alive for vinyl, but was I young enough that most of my own records were Sesame Street related. By the time I started seeking out musical tastes of my own, the dawn of the cassette tape had arrived. Vinyl was still around, and I had many 45’s, but the new technology that allowed me to play a little tape on a little personal player called a Walkman sucked me in. The first cassette tape I owned was Billy Joel’s “An Innocent Man”, a great album, which unfortunately is usually overlooked in favor of his earlier work.

My second album on cassette tape was one of the greatest Rock N’ Roll albums of all time, Van Halen’s 1984. It was the pinnacle of the band’s career, and contained many classic songs such as the mega-hit “Jump”, the sultry fun of “Hot For Teacher”, and the brilliant rock barrage of “Panama”. Despite the commercial success and critical acclaim of the album, the band was falling apart. Personality conflicts, differing musical visions, and side projects drove a wedge between the clashing egos of energetic front man David Lee Roth and guitar virtuoso Eddie Van Halen, leading to Roth’s departure from the band and the group’s musical decline. Always being a huge fan of Diamond Dave, that’s also the point where they lost my allegiance.

Now 28 years after their last full album together, the Van Halen brothers and Roth have reunited, minus long-time bassist Michael Anthony, recording an album of new material, “A Different Kind of Truth”, and embarking on a tour of the same name. On Monday night, I went to the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia to see if three people who used to hate each other could re-capture the magic none of them have had since their breakup in 1985, while enlisting the help of a bassist who wasn’t even alive during their glory days.

First of all, I have to give proper recognition to Kool & The Gang. Everyone was shocked when the late 70’s-early 80’s Disco-Funk Party Band was announced as the opener for Van Halen’s 2012 tour. It’s hard to imagine the same crowd of people attending concerts by the two diverse acts. But in all fairness, Kool & The Gang are very good at what they do. Their somewhat antiquated party anthems are still catchy, and it’s hard not to sing along once you realize you remember the words to all of their hits. The aging members of the group still perform with the energy and intensity of their heyday. The 11-member ensemble showcased the talent throughout their roster, as they took turns singing and being the featured instrumentalist. Most importantly, the members seemed to have a great time, which couldn’t help but trickle down to the audience. They obviously love what they do, which makes it hard for the crowd, even a Hair Metal crowd, not to have a great time.

And then, after an unusually long wait, it was time for the headliners to take the stage. Would I regret taking a chance on Van Halen, or would they rekindle the love for their music I had as a child? Well, every group is as strong as the sum of its parts. Let’s examine the reassembled parts of this once well-oiled machine…

Most artists sound much better on their doctored up recordings than they do live in concert. This cannot be said about veteran drummer Alex Van Halen. I was immensely impressed with the 58 year-old man pounding his drums unmercifully harder, faster, and more intensely than drummers half his age. The rhythm section of Van Halen is often overlooked due to the attention grabbing boldness of Dave’s on-stage antics and Eddie’s over the top guitar work. I now appreciate Alex Van Halen’s skills more than I ever have. He really blew me away in every song, not just his impressive drum solo. He never sounded as good on tape as he does live.

Like most of the world, I scoffed when control freak Eddie Van Halen replaced longtime bassist Michael Anthony with his then teenaged son, Wolfgang, who wasn’t even alive during the band’s glory days. This move also gave the Van Halen family three votes on band-related matters rather than two, further forcing their influence on each decision, regardless of the current singer is. This being the 20 year-old's first full tour, and my not having heard the entire new album, this concert was my first taste of Wolfgang beyond the disappointing single “Tattoo”. Could he really fill the void of the band’s legendary bassist, replacing that all-important rhythmic backbone? Fortunately, Wolfgang did not disappoint. He does seem somewhat stiff and awkward up on stage, possibly worried his dictatorial dad is looking over his shoulder, and completely unsure of how to interact with Dave’s cartoonish but sleazy antics. All things considered, Wolfgang did a great job.

I was never much of an Eddie Van Halen fan. He always seems to look and act like an obnoxious creep. I’ve always agreed he is a great guitarist, but I’m not a huge fan of the whiny noises he makes with his guitar, especially when he started experimenting with power saws and other strange items. Apparently a guitar virtuoso like Eddie Van Halen has to be heard in person to be properly appreciated. His live playing won me over, and I’m not easily impressed. I can easily see why he is so revered in the world of music. He may not be the easiest guy in the world to work with, but his amazing, one of a kind guitar skills more than make up for any personality deficiencies.

I’ve always been a huge fan of David Lee Roth. Say what you will about him, and it’s probably true, but as a front man, a showman, he has few equals. He’s flamboyant, arrogant, showy, and maybe a little bit crazy, but all of that is what makes him a legend. He also makes more wardrobe changes than a runway model, but it’s all part of his charm. Dave’s voice is still as crisp as ever, belting out songs that never sounded as good with anyone else on the mic. He may have aged since his glory days, but his star has not faded, his spark has not gone out. Diamond Dave still struts around the stage like he owns it, and Monday night he did.

One highpoint for me of the concert was that they completely omitted the band’s pop songs from their commercially successful, but musically atrocious “Van Hagar” era. Diamond Dave is back. He is and always will be Van Halen’s front man. His charm, energy, and showmanship cannot be replaced without bringing Jim Morrison back from the grave. Another highlight for me was the new song “China Town”, which I had not heard prior to the show. Simply put, this new track rocks, and is much better than first single “Tattoo.” It’s by far the best Van Halen song since 1984, and one of their hardest rocking offerings ever. Of course, the biggest highlight for me was rocking out to the favorites of my childhood. They played every song I wanted to hear: “Panama”, “Hot For Teacher”, “Jump”, “Dance The Night Away”, “You Really Got Me”, “Pretty Woman”, “Somebody Get Me a Doctor”, “Beautiful Girls”, “Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love”, etc.

My brother in laws, neither of which were alive for the majority of Van Halen’s career, had a great time, one of which described the concert as “The greatest experience of my life”. I too enjoyed the concert. I went into it skeptical about Kool & The Gang and Van Halen re-capturing their glory days of the 70’s and 80’s, but both delivered without disappointment. I was worried whether Van Halen could put to rest their tensions, shake off the rust, and overcome the absence of Michael Anthony enough to operate as a cohesive rock unit. They did not disappoint me, far exceeding my skeptical expectations. They rocked their songs as if they hadn’t missed a day of playing together. They rocked the sold out Wells Fargo Center like a band of 20 year olds. I had a blast, liking Van Halen again for the fist time in decades. Apparently it is possible to travel back in time to “The Good Old Days”, at least for one night.

©2012 Denim McDemus

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Top 13 Worst Songs of All Time

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've been out of commission with illness for quite a long time.
So, without further adieu, here's this week's Top 13 List:

"The Top 13 Worst Songs of All Time"

13. "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell or Counting Crows or ANYONE!
A just plain annoying song! Being campy, cutsie, and causey all make this song HORRENDOUS! Poorly written, and poorly delivered in every version I’ve been unfortunate enough to hear.

12. "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus
You knew it would be on here at some point. I had the unfortunate luck of hearing this song live when I worked at the TV station. Even for $11 an hour, it still wasn't worth it to have to endure the 3:40 of hell that is "Achy Breaky Heart".

11. " Lemon" by U2
What the heck was that crap? 100% unlistenable!

10. "Baby's Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot
A lot of people are humored by this song. Coincidentally, a lot of people have a 12 year old maturity level. This song is asinine at best (no pun intended). Very annoying. If you were alive during it's heyday, you know how often it was played EVERYWHERE, which is highly inappropriate when you think of the content. What a stupid song!

9. "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia
Idk why this song was popular. It annoyed the crap out of me. Terrible song, terrible lyrics, and she has the most emotionless singing voice I've ever heard. Her inflection never changes! Apparently she’s not really all that “torn”.

8. "Hip Hop Hooray" by Naughty By Nature
This song is nonsensical, lame, and utterly annoying. I'm down with OPP as much as the next guy, but they should have left it at that. This song stinks! They just keep saying "Hey ho, hey ho, hey ho, hey ho" about 27,000 times. What does that mean? Are they calling for a deaf hooker, or are they just TRYING to be annoying as hell? You be the judge...

7. “Womanizer” by Britney Spears
When I first heard this song (in a music store no less!), the only thought that dominated my mind was, “What the heck is that crap?” It’s bad even for Britney. She can’t sing, at all, and she ruined music, because every girl younger than her grew up trying to sound just like her!

6. "Unforgettable" by Natalie Cole
Who the heck does this chick this she is? Making her brilliant dad sing BACKGROUND, to HER crappy vocals, on HIS signature song? Does ego know no bounds? I'm sorry sister, but you can't even hold a candle to your old man!

5. “Clumsy” by Fergie
The annoying beat, her annoying voice, the terrible lyrics, and the extremely nerve-racking “girl can’t help it” and whatever unintelligible words she yells back parts make this song one of the worst ever. And let’s not forget how annoying the “I don’t stay single long” ego trip speech is. This song almost makes me pull out my own eardrums.

4. “LoveGame” by Lady GaGa
Sigh. What can I say about Lady GaGa? Every one of her songs I hear belongs on this list, but this is the worst of them. The terribly asinine and perverted lyrics, the annoying beat, her robotic voice, the line “I wanna take a ride on your disco stick”, I’m not sure what is the worst part. It’s VERY hard to believe there are 3 worse songs than this!

3. "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
WOW! Does it get much worse than this? Unfortunately and amazingly yes, since this is only at number 3. She just goes on and on with this sappy crappy utter garbage! She makes 4 ½ minutes seem like a lifetime! Did you ever eat an ENTIRE bag of Sour Patch Kids? Too much sugar? Yeah, exactly! I get the same effect from hearing this "song". If it was JUST sappy, maybe I'd just ignore it, but this song is SO BAD it's literally sickening! Whitney, I vomit on your song. Maybe Bobby can beat the crappiness out of you?

2. "Don't Stop The Music" by Rihanna
This song is SO HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, and ANNOYING that every copy of it should be smashed, melted, and jettisoned into space, so it's NEVER played again! If you have it on your computer, I'm going to break into your house, smash your hard drive, and sell the pieces on E-Bay as garbage barge cargo.
She just KEEPS saying, "please don't stop the music" OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, and I so desperately WANT the music to stop! It made me actually want to smash the radio the 1000 times a day it came on during its recent heyday. This may well be the worst song of all time, and if I hear it even one more time, it will probably move into the number 1 spot. Most of her other songs belong on this list too.

1. "Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless)" by Crystal Waters
This TERRIBLY ANNOYING "song" has been the number one worst for about 17 years! All other crappy songs (with the exception of " Don't Stop The Music") pale in comparison. If she was aiming for crappiness, she succeeded in abundance. Her voice is HORRIBLE, the lyrics are TERRIBLE, and it's SO ANNOYING! I HATE IT! She just keeps saying "lada di lada da lada di lada da" over and over! It annoys the heck out of me! It's supposed to be a "socially conscious" song, but after about the 800th "Lada di lada da", I could care less if she's homeless or not! Worst song ever (but "Don't Stop The Music" is creeping up, and threatening Crystal's 17 year reign).

So yeah, that's my list. Hope you enjoyed the ranting.
If you have any suggestions, please post them as blog comments. I'm open to suggestions. I'm sure there's quite a few worthy songs I forgot.
Close to making the list were the crappy slow remake of The Cure's "Boys Don't Cry" by idk who, and the crappy white boy reggae remake 311 did of The Cure's "Love Song". If you're gonna remake a Cure song, at least do it well. Do it the same way they did it, to pay homage to them. Don't change the style of the song, because you can't improve on perfection! That's like scribbling in a coloring book, and saying it's better than Rembrandt.

Honorable Mention:
“Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In” by The Fifth Dimension
“Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis
“Faith in Nothing” by Eve 6
“Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani
“Jive Talkin” by Bee Gees
“Le Freak” by Chic
“Love In This Club” by Usher
“Love Song” by 311
“Poker Face” by Lady GaGa
“Rico Suave” by Gerardo
“Whoomp There It Is” by Tag Team
“With You” by Chris Brown

©2010 Denim McDemus